A powerless dictator no more-

Thanksgiving 2011

I hijacked Viv's account again to double post this for the sisters et al.

Brainstorming for the Epic Thanksgiving blog... please add

Kids shooting guns

Bowling with dad (bowling balls and pins coming back up the lane, scarfing popcorn and leftover French fries, Lucy's disregard for her throw, Colin running around without a shirt)

Kids learning the star wars song (It's not true!)

Oaxaca

After dinner dance at the studio

Sweet tomatoes

Messiah sing a long (Gordon walking up the aisle to sing a solo)

Ultimate frisbee

Soccer and frisbee with Dad

Tongue tacos (It's like making out with a cow!)

Blessing Gwen

Beards

Chris's pictures from China

Lucy's baptism (list more about this)

Puzzles (3 of them!)

Apocalypse Chart (I think we should all get a little bit drunk)

Rachel's countries of the world song x4

Star Wars movie

pie pie pie (including Mockingjay pie)

Going to that one movie

Boys night of football and man movie

Taking pictures of the kids

Theo singing

Auberry Ward

Visiting Mr. Van

Singing hymns ("Nearer My God to Thee" under the stars)

Ag Farm/Nature Trail run

Building a teepee with the kids

(some more from v)
Tim buying us tacos and the fancy bottled drinks at Don Pepe's
Doing the haka with Joel
Sparkling pomegranate juice
Cheese platter
Chris and Gordon having an in-depth discussion about cheese
The memorable disaster of watching star wars, and the kids' song "someone move this walking carpet".
Sarah actually enjoying her food at Oaxaca
Eric playing ultimate frisbee and liking it
Breakfast at the Chicken Pie Shop with dad and Kathy (sorry for those of you who don't remember this)
The cousins kneeling in the front to watch Lucy be baptized
Tim confirming Lucy
Beth and Gordon singing and making Grandma Ashby smile.
Jerry, Mike, Grandpa Brown, Dean, Matt, Mark Porter, Gordon, Chris, and Tim all gathered around to bless my baby.
Colin sticking his face down the ball return at the bowling alley
Claire and Gordon talking with me in the mothers lounge at church while Gwen took a nap on the floor.
Playing in the leaves in front of dad's house
Sarah and I throw 4 cats into the back of her car and drive off on a rescue mission

from Carrie:
ME shooting guns!
Making Lucy wait in the dressing room after her baptism, even though she was ready to come back out, so that you guys would have time to sing "Abide With Me"
Listening to everyone sing "Abide With Me"
Fairy Blight
Damn hard iridescent foil Star Wars puzzle
The look on Rachel's face when she misheard the words "tentacle in my taco"
Realizing that I really do like Ultimate Frisbee
The brief moment of excited 'in your FACE!' sensation that I had when I slapped down Jackson's pass. Before I realized that Jackson is four.
"United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru"
Parasite Apocalypse....NOT!
Feeling ridiculously fond of my brothers-in-law. All of them.
Driving up the hill with Rachel, listening to great music loud on her stereo system. Stepping out of the car into the cold Auberry night under the best stars I've seen in a long, long time.
Putting Lucy on the roof at Dad's house.
the ribbon salad of resistance that never was
Ditching class to hang out with the Thomas kids behind the church building
Watching Gwen suck the juice out of a pomegranate with gusto
Having Mark Porter make me laugh

My kid's got game- how did THAT happen?!

Theo ended his 2011 soccer season today with an award for being the "fastest" player. As you'll see, that's not a major accomplishment, but it does kind of warm a mother's heart.

tim "the man" lawrence

So Tim and I went to the Kern river this weekend. Tim was on a 5 man team from his fly fishing club, participating in a competition put on every year there. The morning was cold, clear, and windy in the canyon. Cold - fine, clear- good, windy - not good. We met everyone at the local fly shop at 7:30am and I volunteered to be a

controller.

The river is divided up into 45 sections, some 200 yards long, some only 50 feet. Some fishable, some not so good (read: 12 inches of water over sand). Everyone drew two sections, one beat for the morning, one beat for the afternoon. You get 2 hours in the am, break for lunch, 2 hours in the afternoon. They mix it up, so you get different types of water, and everyone has a chance at some good spots. Each spot is assigned a controller, who keeps track of time, measures the fish, and keeps record.

So I lost track of Tim, because I was taken up to the river and shown a section of river to "control". I was introduced to a high powered business woman from LA, who was on an all-woman team. I watched as she "geared up" (which takes quite a while), we climbed down the bank to the river, and found our flags, marking our beat. At 10am straight up, I yelled out to her (she was in the river) "GO!" and she started fishing. For the first 20 min or so, I watched, my measuring tube and pencil in hand, ready to jump to her side. After an hour, it became apparent, that nothing was happening, nor was likely to happen. So I read my book. Once she called out, scaring the daylights out of me, but it was just a bite. Nothing ever broke the surface. At 2 hours exactly I called time, and she waded out. "well, I got that one bite!" she said. Huh. Ok, you be excited about that.

Then we went for lunch. Tim only had 1 measurable (they have to be at least 25cm) fish. Everyone else was the same or less. It was pretty slow. Most guys had none. So then we went back out there for the afternoon section. I had another older woman who was so happy to be away from her telecommunications job in LA and standing in a river. She moved slow, and was very, um, consistent. Fished the same paths in the river over and over. This time I went straight for a comfy rock and told her to call if she needed me. After freezing and reading for 2 hours, we hiked back. She got absolutely nothing. But she didn't seem to mind.

So I drove back to the shop to meet up with Tim and turn in my papers. There was a lot of talk - "I got skunked!" and "I got 2 but they were too small". Of the 4 other guys on Tim's team, only 2 caught fish that were barely measurable. Everyone was saying it was a crazy hard fishing day. There was one rumor that an older guy on another team had caught a really big trout, but nobody knew for sure. Then Tim showed up. So how did you do?

"um... 4."

Everyone went crazy. It was way more than anyone else. And then, as we keep digging, it comes out that he actually caught 9 (NINE!), but only 4 were long enough. The rest of his team dropped to their knees, literally, and bowed to his fishing awesomeness.

Then it comes out, with much prying, that his controller was too lazy to come down to the river, so with each fish, he had to wade out of the water (not easy), and climb the bank up to the road where she was sitting in her chair with her bullhorn (no joke), for her to measure and record, then hurry and climb back down to release the fish and go again. Those 2 hours fly by for a fisherman, so that was a lot of lost time.

Well out of 45 fishermen, he got second place! And the only reason he didn't get first, was because of that one old guy who caught one whopper. Tim beat him by total inches, but he won because of extra points for the fish being so large. Because of Tim, his team got second in the team competition.

But the best part of the whole thing was watching how happy Tim was. He knew everyone, and they all were SO happy to talk to him. "Tim! TIM! How are you, man!" "Oh your TIM's wife! We love him. What a nice guy!" He was really well known, and would talk for a long time to lots of different (and sometimes strange) people. He walked right up to a couple just walking out of the fly shop and shook their hands. I came up in time to figure out that he didn't know them at all, he was just introducing himself and asking them questions about where they were from.

He got his major award (a bag of marshmallows), everyone got plastered (which was actually really funny), and we drove home.

Thoughts from your Dear Leader

It all started with Beth pointing out that Viv is a cyborg. Which she is. But that just opened up the topic- if Viv is a cyborg, then what are the rest of us? Surely we can all be iconic sci fi/fantasy characters too...


Rachel is a sprite. A fairy. An ethereal being who traverses the world followed by trails of stars and rainbows. She has unbelievably good luck. She leaves no footprints. She doesn't eat anything. As once pointed out by Viv, she will show up for a week-long visit with only a half-full school backpack for luggage. She never complains about the pish-posh because she actually isn't constrained by corporeal boundaries. As Wikipedia points out, she is "mostly harmless unless threatened."

As already mentioned, Viv is a cyborg. A "self-regulating human-machine system" with "physical or mental abilities far exceeding a human counterpart."(Wikipedia again) Consider: (and please use your best robot voice to read this part)
"I will learn to cook...(2 months elapse)...cooking accomplished."
"Advanced degree desired...(18 months later)...MBA accomplished."
"Ten o'clock is bedtime. It is ten o'clock. Therefore, I am going to bed."
"Will follow strict parenting guidelines...total consistency achieved...cyborg unit Levi in progress.."
I could go on, but those of you who know Vivian already know what I'm talking about.



Claire's character didn't even require discussion. We've all known for years that Claire's role is that of genius IT/communications expert. Need to dock your spaceship in a hailstorm, but don't know current wind speed velocities? Claire's your girl. Need to override the security cameras at Grand Central Station in 2 1/2 minutes? Claire again. Need someone with an accurate ear, fast fingers, a keen ability to filter out the important information in a matter of seconds, and who can kick your butt without getting up from behind her desk? You guessed it. CLAIRE.

I don't remember who suggested it, but Sarah is the Blue Fairy from Sleeping Beauty. Adorable, helpful, amiable but not a pushover, and tuned in to things like small children and bunnies in the forest. Merryweather is the bravest of the three fairies, and also the one who saves the day by changing Sleeping Beauty's death curse into a sleeping one. Raise your hand if Sarah has ever saved your day...Yep. See what I mean?

When Beth first heard about this topic, she asked if she could be the wise oracle on a hill. Um...no. That is WAY too calm for Beth. No, Beth is the Wizard of OZ. At first you are intimidated by the giant head with flames, and all the crazy activity, then you start to suspect that maybe she's just a regular person, pulling a bunch of levers, but THEN you realize that even that is kind of magical, really. She's good hearted, and she doesn't like to be caught exaggerating behind the curtain. Sorry, Beth, Wizard of Oz it is. Props to Sydney for suggesting it.

Now, I realize that I'm the only one who has been allowed to choose their own character, but I've tried not to be too easy on myself:

Once upon a time, in a famous group chat, my sisters referred to me as a "tiny, tempermental figurehead ruler who is more of a nuisance than actually evil, like Kim Jong Il." While I know that Kim Jong Il isn't exactly a sci fi villian, he does kind of SEEM like one, doesn't he? Can't you just imagine him piloting his crazy spaceship around the galaxy, laughing maniacally and forcing his subjects to read his ridiculously long, pointless blog posts?

Everybody Cut, Everybody Cut...Everybody Cut Footloose

The big night had finally come. The big night that Beth and I had been waiting for, planning for, talking about for months. The big night where Beth and I went out on the town...ALONE.

Only problem was, we couldn't decide what to do. A movie seemed in order, but which one? Moneyball, a critically acclaimed excuse to watch Brad Pitt move around onscreen, or Footloose, the feelgood, not exactly critically acclaimed shoutout to our childhoods?

Somewhat to my surprise, we chose the high road, opting for "Moneyball", and were soon nestled into our seats. And while the movie was well cast, well scripted and well acted, it also is apparently aimed at people who give a hoot about baseball. After an hour, almost as a joke, I leaned over to Beth and whispered, "You know, we could still sneak into Footloose..."

Imagine my surprise when my righteous, law-abiding sister sat straight up in her seat, turned to me intently and said, "We have to do it right. Now!" I sputtered, "Should we go one at a time?" Without missing a beat, Beth said, "NO." And before I even knew what had hit me, we were walking nonchalantly out of the theater.

We sauntered towards the bathrooms, hoping to look like two respectable middle aged women with incredibly weak bladders. Also hoping to pass the Footloose theater on the way. No such luck. After a pause at the bathrooms, we walked back, through the lobby and down the opposite hallway, at which point a security person broke away from a group of employees and fell into step behind us. We walked a little faster...so did she. We turned a corner of the hallway...so did she. I was seconds away from throwing myself at her feet and begging for leniency when Beth casually grabbed my arm. "Did you know I LOVE Liam Neeson?" she asked, pulling me over to look at a poster. And the security lady walked right by!

We waltzed into Footloose, to the sweet strains of "Let's Hear it For the Boy," and slid casually into the closest seats. Even the realization that I had just plopped into a handicapped seat wasn't enough to dampen the thrill. In fact, it maybe heightened the rush of being just a little bit bad.

So if you ever go out on the town with Beth, watch yourself. Sheesh, now I know where Rachel gets it.

Beth's Day Out

after much whining, i went to carrie's.

10 great moments of the trip:

after being dropped off, sitting perfectly still (for the first time in a LONG time), for 45 min, watching the red sunrise at the airport, decompressing into my trip.

the first bite of "greek scramble" at a diner for breakfast, with "cecelia" playing over the speakers

the first bite of lettuce wraps at thai food

the movie caper (see future post)

watching a long bearded guy with sunglasses, wearing a wedding dress, walk across the parking lot and open up the store we were waiting for.

making harvest soup and biscuits for dinner in a quiet, beautiful kitchen with no pressure, music playing, and then sitting on the front porch, good smells wafting from the house, reading my book, waiting for carrie and the kids to come back.

sitting outside with theo, with the rain coming down, listening to carrie playing the piano.

realizing that i LOVE boiled cabbage (WHO KNEW!?) at Matthews Cafe

snuggling / wrestling with my theo.

staying up late, snuggling and watching movies with carrie and iHappy.

I Heart Old Friends

There were a lot of good things about our trip to Colorado this weekend, but my favorite was getting Lucy and Kelty back together. You may remember that they were born on the same day, and we celebrated their 1st birthday with matching cakes.

Of course we had to have a reenactment:


As we've moved around the world, it's meant a lot to me to stay in touch with the people that I came to love in different places. It made me really happy to see these girls, and hope that they really will be good friends forever. Aren't they cute?

At least I didn’t die

Today made me reminisce about my terrible birthday last year, and I thought it should go in the record books.

It started going downhill on Sunday the 24th. I got called to be activities chair, the last calling I wanted (I actually thought, ‘I would rather be RS president’). The day was super stressful because I was informed there were a lot of activities I was now in charge of but that hadn’t been organized yet. For example, “There’s a regional fireside tonight you need to plan for” Oh really. “And we don’t have anyone to say the prayer or conduct or play the piano or bring dessert”. Uh huh. “…and you’re conducting the meeting” Of course. “And you’re in charge of FHE tomorrow”. Oh really. What’s been planned? “Nothing”. Oookay.

After a long day of meetings and planning and no food, I had 20 minutes to eat something before running off to the fireside. But when I opened my door, there was a huge pool of water on my floor! Water was leaking copiously from the ceiling and soaked through my bed, clothes, shoes, books, papers, rug, and blankets.

I started to try and salvage things and mop up, but I realized I had no time to do damage control and to make it to the meeting. I felt absolutely terrible, but decided I had to back out. But no one answered their phone. Not the bishop or his counselors, no one on my committee, none of the people I was supposed to give rides to. Finally I got a hold of one of my committee members and told him, while wringing out a towel, that he’s in charge now.

Feeling like a chump for bailing on my first day on the job, I finished wringing out blankets and towels, hanging up wet clothes and papers, and hair-drying books and pillows. I couldn’t get a hold of my landlady, either, so I set up three small pots and went to bed hoping the roof wouldn’t fall in on my head. I slept terribly, since there was a constant ploink-ploink noise, my bed was wet, and I had to get up periodically to empty the pots before they overflowed. At one point I was woken up by a 1am text from a friend wishing me a happy birthday.

The next day I woke up tired and unhappy and went in to work, where I had a really boring day and no one knew it was my birthday. One lady brought in muffins to share with the office… I pretended it was cake and that she made it for me. The one good thing was that I finally got a hold of my landlady, who said she’d send someone to check out the ceiling and start repairs.

I got home after work…and couldn’t open my door. The maintenance guy had locked both locks on my door, but I only had the key to one. I was locked out of my apartment on my birthday. And I couldn’t get a hold of my landlady or the maintenance guy. I tried breaking in with a credit card and jimmying the window-lock with a piece of metal I scavenged, but neither worked. Claire had set up a group chat with all of the sisters, which was the one thing I was looking forward to all day…but we had to postpone it. Obviously. So I just sat outside my apartment and I may or may not have cried a little.

Soon enough, it was time for the FHE I was in charge of. After a 40 minute drive making small talk with more people that didn’t know it was my birthday, two hours of pretending to be excited about some activity I came up with, and 40 minutes driving people back home…I finally got to my apartment, found the maintenance guy, and got inside. Phew. I decided to take a shower to relax.

I got in when the water was medium-warm, expecting it to get hotter…but it didn’t. It got freezing cold. So I rushed through and reached to turn off the water when it hit me…I had no dry towels. I had used them all, even the dish towels, to mop up the pool last night. What else could go wrong?! I jumped out of the shower to try and find something somewhat dry, but in my haste my heel got cut on the door of my shower and I started bleeding everywhere.

What a fitting end to a bad birthday - cold, wet, naked and bleeding on my bathroom floor.

…

The next day, we succeeded in having the group sister chat. Beth read a quote that was the theme for my birthday - “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die.”

But I still have a scar.

Eric's assignment

Define the word - Situation

Situation - A set of conditions at a certain moment in time.

Example - Rolling down a hill with fire on your bottom is a situation.

(this is accompanied by an awesome picture...)

A Trip to Remember

Theo, Looking Good

Coming Of Age

Lucy, 11:00 am, Oct 2,2003






Growing up in a house full of pesky little sisters, with attentive, involved parents, there was nothing better than staying up late and having the house to myself. I still remember the sweet, sweet sound of the quiet- reading my book without interruption, eating whatever I wanted out of the kitchen, wandering around without anyone watching me or wanting anything from me. It was heavenly. Peaceful. Solitude. There's still nothing I would rather do.

Last night Lucy reminded me that I had agreed to let her stay up as late as she wanted on her birthday. "That's cute," I thought, as I imagined her fading off around 11pm. "Sure kid."

I went to bed at eight. Theo at about 8:30. When Chris came to bed at 11:30, she was still going strong. I stirred around 2am and heard her laughing out loud at something. At 5am she stumbled into bed with us, muttering something about 'partying all night'. I have no idea if she'd fallen asleep before that, but this morning, looking at the fleece blanket, Harry Potter legos, Little House on The Prairie books and chocolate chips scattered around the couch, I have my doubts. Not to mention that it's 11am and she's still asleep. (see photo, above)

So that's cute and all, but it makes me a little nervous. I'm not sure there's room on the couch at midnight for both of us.

Just Because Someone Asks You a Question...

We went to a birthday party today that had a clown there to perform.

Clown: Hello little girl, would you like a balloon animal?
Lucy, leans over to Chris and whispers: I don't want anything from a guy in a clown suit!

Sunday afternoon nap

I think Levi won some points with our guest by willingly participating in one of her favorite activities.

let's see if i get this straight..

so. lets see-

mom went and stayed with rachel.

chris is going to china, so mom is ALSO going to carrie's.

vivian has a cute baby, so carrie went to vivian's.

carrie is coming to california for thanksgiving,

so vivian is coming too.

rach AND sarah are going to canada AND vivian's, so sarah is going to claire's, who is ALSO going to vivian's.

sigh.

"There is never jealousy where there is not strong regard"

-washington irving

Absolutely

Today I was wearing this fantastic shirt that Chris and Lucy were kind enough to get me for Christmas one year. Theo studied it intently for a few minutes and then asked, "Is that Rachel?"

Live Free or Eat Apples

Top moments from my visit to New Hampshire this last weekend:

- Levi reciting for me how to train a horse: ("One- a soft hand. Two- a firm voice. Three- a sunny attitude...")
- Levi instructing the fireman at the fire safety day about the parts of the fire truck: "These, these are called stabilizers. They can also frequently be found on a front-end loader."
- Levi in general.
- Taking a Sunday nap in the same bed with Viv and Levi. So cozy.
- Meeting sweet little Gwen. Getting to spend some one on one time with her during church. Smoothing down her soft soft hair and having it bounce right back up again.
- Apples, apples, apples.
- Watching Jerry try to dissect out the octopus that had attached itself to his ravioli.
- Getting busted by Viv when she found one of her shirts packed up in my suitcase. Completely an accident, I swear!
- Crisp, clean NH air on a Sunday afternoon hike.

The Haunted Mansion

Living the Dream

It's always a trick finding new friends when you move somewhere new. Sometimes it can take years. So when the Croxalls invited us over for dinner awhile ago I was happy, but trying not to be too excited. That is, until Brian leaned across the table and asked, point-blank, "Do you want to go to DragonCon with us this year?" Then I was very excited. I didn't even know what DragonCon was, but I knew that the answer was yes.

I know what you guys are thinking, because Chris was voicing it out loud..why would you want to go watch a bunch of overweight tech nerds in ill fitting costumes walk down the street? And yes, there was a little of that:

slutty elf- check
overweight women in fishnet stockings- check
unidentifiable superhero- check
guy shirtless for no reason- check
guy in doctor costume with clown makeup- check

But there was also this guy:

And I know YOUR Saturday did not include a giant red breakdancing stormtrooper.

There were melees in the streets


and orcs:


even Death stopped by:


I remember when Claire and Gordon went to the Maker Fair, and Gordon said "I hope there will be steampunk." I thought that sounded like the coolest thing to say, very hip, so I said it a lot this morning. And baby let me tell you, the punk was steaming:


Some other favorite moments include:
- before the parade even started, a guy wearing only a green CGI body suit rode by on a bicycle
- on command, our entire side of the block held up our hands in the Vulcan salute and shouted 'Live long and prosper!'
- the guy in the crowd with an "I heart Saruman" t-shirt
-the float of "Dork Hunters" that seemed to be having pretty easy pickings
- having a flashback to one time when Gordon's brother said "just because you're plump doesn't automatically mean you're in Hufflepuff." I don't know why I thought of that.
- being able to correct Brian...everyone knows Han Solo was frozen in carbonite, not kryptonite. Actually, Brian knows this too, but that didn't stop me from correcting him.
- the Stormtroopers in kilts playing bagpipes
- when my friend Amber said "that's what my breasts would look like if they were cardboard"
- The Role-Players Club of Atlanta carried a banner that read "Living the Dream for 20 years"...and they looked it.

DragonCon was awesome. And the Croxalls are keepers.

I'm too sexy for my white high tops

Fifth grade was the first year that anyone in my class showed up to school dressed as a Playboy bunny for Halloween. I remember this quite clearly, because a)I didn't know what a Playboy bunny was, and b)I showed up wearing this:


I remember the wheels turning in my 5th grade brain as it slowly, foggily began to dawn on me that maybe dressing up in costume wasn't just about showing off your creativity anymore. Also that maybe my parents should have said something.

This week the mom talk at the bus stop has been all about what to wear to the neighborhood eighties party. I'd been thinking about it- white high tops with stacked socks of different colors, oversized shirt, pegged, baggy pants. Pretty easy, really. But then, as I was listening to the other ladies talk..."I hope my skirt isn't too short for a grown woman"..."I'll probably never be able to wear my off-the-shoulder sweatshirt ever again"..."Hope I can still squeeze into my Madonna gear"...I slowly, foggily realized that I'd missed the point. Again. The point was NOT to go dressed like I actually DRESSED in the 80's. The point was to look good. Or at least try to. I'm not sure if we actually pulled off sexy, but at least I realized it before I got to school this time.

not all video games are bad.

my children were home alone, and had two friends over. i called on my way home and asked kid#2 what they were doing.

#2-"we are playing poptropica"

that is a video game. the only video game that has snuck into my house. they have to think, finish mazes, answer riddles, etc to get points. they have been playing this A LOT this summer and today. it isn't TOTALLY mindless, but it is still them sitting, staring. so i say..

me- "STOP! you have been playing this all afternoon! you need to stop and do something else."

#2 - "but mom it is so fun! we are all doing it together! "

me- "what is jack doing?"

#2- "he is playing too!"

me- "ug! you need to take a break, all of you! too much of this is not good."

#2- "but mom! it is so cool! pleeeeese!?"

well this conversation went on for a bit with her fighting hard to keep playing. she finally agreed that i would be home in 5 min and then they would stop.

so i walked in the door and they had turned the front room into a REAL video game. no computer at all. mazes, rocks (pillows) to hop across lava, puzzles to figure out, shrinking mirrors so you could turn small, and colin and jack were happily rowing a box down the nile.

oh. um. go ahead. you can play some more.

Happy Graduation

I have finished my master's degree. After getting the mail this evening, I have found that to congratulate me and honor the moment, Claire ceremoniously sent me a not-so-recently-dead beetle in a small silver box. Thank you sister, I don't think I am worthy of such an honor.

Brown Bag Lunch Survey

So Beth needs some ideas for what to pack in her kids lunch. What are your ideas? or What do you remember eating at school?

Carrie: I like the pasta salad idea. Also, how bout tuna w/ crackers instead of bread? You could pack it separately, then use the crackers to scoop the tuna. Applesauce cups or canned peaches are good. Same for granola bars. Good luck.

Beth: i am feeling cranky about this. i remember choking down my lunches. blech. warm yogurt, warm meat, warm cheese. i think i looked fwd to cookies (i think i will make a bunch and freeze them), crackers, granola bars (if we were lucky), and fruit. but no matter what, bananas were brown, grapes smashed. one friend of mine sends them snacks, then feeds them lunch when they get home, then dinner at 7:30. it is a mystery.
Sarah:

Claire: How about I tell you what I didn't like? I didn't like apples (because they're boring), or bananas (because they make everything smell like banana), or sandwiches in baggies (because they always got smashed). My suggestions: Give your kids apples if they'll eat them, because they're cheap, and easy to keep. Put the banana outside of the bag containing the other food. And, if possible, put the sandwich in a sandwich sized tupperware to keep it from getting smashed and slimy. That made a huge difference to me when I got old enough to even own my own tupperware. Other than that, I think granola bars are good, as well as crackers. Cookies, of course. GORDON went through a period of time when his brother Nathan was in charge of the lunches. One day he ended up with a large square of cornbread, and an apple. The next day- two apples. He suggests you give them a couple lunches like that, and they'll be grateful for anything they get afterward.

Vivian: I remember eating lunch meat sandwiches and apples. In high school I ate yogurt and pb&j. I remember bringing a quarter for milk. My ideas for you are: lunchmeat/cheese/crackers(if your kids don't like sandwiches), pasta salad, chicken salad sandwich(made with canned chicken and can also go w/crackers), trail mix, mini bagels

Rachel: Sadly enough, this blog is actually making me hungry. My favorite sandwiches were tuna and PB&H&B (the secret to any sandwich is to toast the bread - that way it won't get soggy). Apples are good (waaay better than bananas) but get boring after awhile. Mix the fruit up whenever possible...or at least make it easy to eat, like slicing the apples up or pre-peeling the oranges. Ooh, those little applesauce cups are good too. Carrots/celery sticks/baby tomatoes. Chips - buy a big bag and split it up into individual ziploc baggies. And don't diss warm yogurt - then it's drinkable.

Any one else out there with more ideas, please comment!

Half Dome 2011, Questions and Answers

Woodpile: So, Carrie, what made you guys decide to go for it?
Carrie: Well, mulling it over with Viv one day, she said "You know Dad's new philosophy..'don't put anything off'." I guess that's what did it. That and constant badgering by my husband.

W: Is Chris the best husband ever?
C: Yes, yes he is.

W: We've heard various numbers bandied about. Can you tell us exactly how high and how long this thing really is?
C: From the first signpost, roundtrip, the hike is 16.4 miles. Add the extra 3/4 miles to find the trailhead and 3/4 miles of lost wandering and it's a solid 18 miles. Also, 4,876 feet up.

W: Did you get lost?
C: Quite. At first we couldn't even find the trailhead, (of one of the most famous hikes in the world), and then later we had to backtrack about 3/4 of a mile.

W: Did you see any animals?
C: Yes, 1 dead mouse, 2 alive mice, 1 bat, 6-7 beetles, 2 deer.

W: What was the worst moment of the hike?
C: A tie- 1)When Chris dumped the chocolate covered almonds in the dirt 2)see 'getting lost,' above

W: Did you pick up the almonds, brush them off individually and eat them anyway?
C: Of course.

W: Chocolate covered almonds sure sound good- was that the best thing you ate?
C: No. I ate a lemon cookie from Beth that tasted like heaven.

W: And the best moment of the hike?
C: When we had reached subdome and knew we were going to make it (before we had seen the cables), we took a rest and stared up into the night sky, and Chris said "We're higher than some of the stars!"

W: Were you really?
C: Yes.

W: Did you get scared?
C: Yes. Thundering waterfalls in the daytime are awesome. Thundering waterfalls in the pitch dark when you can't see the edge of your trail and the rocks are slippery and the path is marked every 200ft with photos of dead hikers who were swept over the falls last week...terrifying.

W: Did anything else want to kill you on this hike?
C: Have you SEEN those cables?

W: Would you do it again?
C: Yesterday the answer was, absolutely not. Today I would say, probably not. Ask me tomorrow.

W: How much of your hike did you distract yourself by composing this blog in your head?
C: Oh,Woodpile, you know me so well.

Pleasured As Needed

I envy Chris his world travels. I envy the adventure. I envy the food. I envy the alone time. But mostly I envy the notes he gets on his pillows at luxury Asian hotels. So, imagine my joy when I arrived at Claire and Gordon's after a long shift to find this note taped to the front door:

'We welcome Your Excellency to our bashful home away from home. Where the blankets are magical, and everlasting Rhubarb Upside-down cake pleasures you as needed. Enjoy our complimentary dark nuts and the jovial swan friend.

We are your slaves.'

I wish i had a picture of the jovial swan friend to include with this post, but you'll just have to trust me.

Gossip Girl

I love our mom. Part of what I love about her is demonstrated through this conversation we had while waiting at the check out in the grocery store.

Mom: (jokingly) Ah this is where I get all my news.
Me: I think its funny how many of these people I don't even know who they are.
Mom: (pointing to a picture of the Kardashians) Well you know who they are right?
Me: Well, no not really.
Mom: They must be related to the doctor who was known for assisted suicides. Do you remember him?
Me: Hmm, Are you thinking of Kevorkian?
Mom: Oh.. yep, thats the one. Well, then who are they?

Way to go mom. You made me proud by being more familiar with people who are relevant in this world than people who aren't.

On My 39th Birthday...

Theo: Dad, can I see your bum?
Chris: No.
Theo: Why not?
Chris: Does Mom let you see her bum?
Theo: Mom's don't have bums.

Who?

I know, I know, I already posted one of these...but these letters that Chris gets from his 'hotel families' really crack me up. And wonder if I should be calling him "Your Excellency"?

Dick, the computer guy

So, Gordon just bought a new computer. It was having some hardware issues, and needed a tech to come out and fix it. One day a guy named Dick shows up at the door.

He and Gordon had a nice chat.

Dick: (gets put on hold while calling Dell to order a new motherboard)
Dick: (seeing rice crackers on table) Don't those taste like sandpaper?
Gordon: I think they're pretty good.
Dick: Well, for me, Rice Krispies are like sandpaper.
Dick: (still looking at the rice crackers) Do you know who invented these?
Gordon: (not sure if he's supposed to laugh or actually answer)
Dick: (apparently Gordon wasn't supposed to do either) Maybe the Chinese.
Dick: Do you know who invented pasta?
Dick: You'd think pasta itali-ano (in imitation of an Italian accent while gesturing in imitation of an Italian gesture) that it'd be from Italy, but actually, it's Chinese.
Dick: But I guess the Italians invented ketchup.
Dick: And do you know who invented the hamburger?
Dick: Germans. From Ham-Burg. Hamburger.
Dick: You'd think the hamburger was American, burger and fries and all.
Dick: But French Fries, those are American.
Dick: They actually eat more calories in Europe than we do here.
Dick: And yet we're the fat ones.
Dick: (points to himself indicating that he's a prime example of a fat American)
Dick: I'm fat, but if you looked at my diet you'd never guess it.
Dick: It's because I have diabetes.
Dick: What is diabetes?
Gordon: (caught off guard that Dick actually pauses as if waiting for an answer) Oh, uh... well...
Dick: (cutting in, not actually waiting for an answer) It's when your body can't control its sugar.
Dick: And if it gets too much sugar because it can't control it, it's got to go somewhere.
Dick: (again indicates his substantial girth)
Dick: I wasn't this big before I got diabetes. So question is, am I diabetic because I'm fat, or am I fat because I'm diabetic?
Dick: I asked my doctor that once, and he said I had a good point.
Dick: Well?
Dick: Sort of a chicken and the egg sort of thing.
Dick: Except, if you ask me which came first, I guess I'd have to say the egg.
Dick: I thought for a second that the wooden block sticking out from that painting was a thermostat.
Dick: You'd think in a place like this they'd go with a single split.
Dick: (actually pauses)
Gordon: What? (immediately worrying that inviting an explanation might not have been such a good idea)
Dick: A single split. Heat pump and air conditioner all in one unit. Why would you have the AC and the heater separate?
Dick: And whose idea was it to put the thermostat right above the heater?
Dick: The installation instructions probably said to make sure to install on the wall on the opposite side of the room.
Dick: Probably another failure to "RTFM."
Dick: Do you know what that stands for?
Dick: (luckily not waiting for an answer)
Dick: Read. The. Freaking. Manual.
Dick: Or there's another word I could use, but not in polite company.

I had to talk to Dick on the phone several times to set up the appointment, and I was glad I didn't have to be there when he came. But I was also glad Gordon was there, so I could hear about this hilarious conversation. Way to take one for the team, Gordon.

Home Away from Home

When I graduated college and told people I was moving to Auburn, a lot of people looked confused and said, “So, you’re moving home?” No, I explained…AuBURN, not AuBERRY. Keep it straight.