Thursday, November 3, 2011

Thoughts from your Dear Leader

It all started with Beth pointing out that Viv is a cyborg. Which she is. But that just opened up the topic- if Viv is a cyborg, then what are the rest of us? Surely we can all be iconic sci fi/fantasy characters too...


Rachel is a sprite. A fairy. An ethereal being who traverses the world followed by trails of stars and rainbows. She has unbelievably good luck. She leaves no footprints. She doesn't eat anything. As once pointed out by Viv, she will show up for a week-long visit with only a half-full school backpack for luggage. She never complains about the pish-posh because she actually isn't constrained by corporeal boundaries. As Wikipedia points out, she is "mostly harmless unless threatened."




As already mentioned, Viv is a cyborg. A "self-regulating human-machine system" with "physical or mental abilities far exceeding a human counterpart."(Wikipedia again) Consider: (and please use your best robot voice to read this part)
"I will learn to cook...(2 months elapse)...cooking accomplished."
"Advanced degree desired...(18 months later)...MBA accomplished."
"Ten o'clock is bedtime. It is ten o'clock. Therefore, I am going to bed."
"Will follow strict parenting guidelines...total consistency achieved...cyborg unit Levi in progress.."
I could go on, but those of you who know Vivian already know what I'm talking about.



Claire's character didn't even require discussion. We've all known for years that Claire's role is that of genius IT/communications expert. Need to dock your spaceship in a hailstorm, but don't know current wind speed velocities? Claire's your girl. Need to override the security cameras at Grand Central Station in 2 1/2 minutes? Claire again. Need someone with an accurate ear, fast fingers, a keen ability to filter out the important information in a matter of seconds, and who can kick your butt without getting up from behind her desk? You guessed it. CLAIRE.

I don't remember who suggested it, but Sarah is the Blue Fairy from Sleeping Beauty. Adorable, helpful, amiable but not a pushover, and tuned in to things like small children and bunnies in the forest. Merryweather is the bravest of the three fairies, and also the one who saves the day by changing Sleeping Beauty's death curse into a sleeping one. Raise your hand if Sarah has ever saved your day...Yep. See what I mean?

When Beth first heard about this topic, she asked if she could be the wise oracle on a hill. Um...no. That is WAY too calm for Beth. No, Beth is the Wizard of OZ. At first you are intimidated by the giant head with flames, and all the crazy activity, then you start to suspect that maybe she's just a regular person, pulling a bunch of levers, but THEN you realize that even that is kind of magical, really. She's good hearted, and she doesn't like to be caught exaggerating behind the curtain. Sorry, Beth, Wizard of Oz it is. Props to Sydney for suggesting it.

Now, I realize that I'm the only one who has been allowed to choose their own character, but I've tried not to be too easy on myself:

Once upon a time, in a famous group chat, my sisters referred to me as a "tiny, tempermental figurehead ruler who is more of a nuisance than actually evil, like Kim Jong Il." While I know that Kim Jong Il isn't exactly a sci fi villian, he does kind of SEEM like one, doesn't he? Can't you just imagine him piloting his crazy spaceship around the galaxy, laughing maniacally and forcing his subjects to read his ridiculously long, pointless blog posts?

18 comments:

  1. wait, i want to be the sexy cyborg! what do i have to do... oh. nevermind. ignore the girl behind the curtain!

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  2. One of the best posts of all time on this blog (or any other). You should hand this out as a primer to new acquaintances.

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  3. haha krissie- i was just trying to think of someone to send it to that would love it as much as i do and i couldn't think of anyone else that would besides sisters... guess that makes you a sister!

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  4. In my opinion, the only thing that could have made this post more entertaining would be a mashup of Kim Jong Il and a Klingon....and now, thanks to Claire, we have exactly that.

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  5. Krissie, I'm not sure how many friends I'd have if I handed out that last picture to new acquaintances as a way to introduce myself.

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  6. just when i think, "this. this one is my favorite" i read another one and laugh. one that makes me laugh really hard is merryweather wrinkling her nose at her air headed sisters saying, "I think we've had enough of this nonsense!"

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  7. i was thinking in my head, "man, sarah and i got screwed out of cool looking hot characters".. then i scrolled down to carries new face.
    never mind.
    we're good.

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  8. Even though Beth's kids do kind of look like they're on the yellow brick road when they come off the bus, I think we might need to re-brainstorm her alter ego.
    Lets think-
    -Has a magical trunk with everything in it from extra shoes to ingredients for soup.
    -Is always excited to see you.
    -Is always rushing in to save the injured or hungry.
    -Is in a constant state of pulling off the impossible.
    So, I'm thinking maybe
    Swiss Rescue Dog?
    http://homepages.sover.net/~newfvt/lgdog.jpg
    Or Greatest American Hero?
    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HcKBMQJeknI/S7usmnw11OI/AAAAAAAAALI/el8jj4CJJzc/s1600/GAH.jpg
    What else?

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  9. oh and tim is voting for a sequel with brother in laws.

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  10. Swiss rescue dog! Other than the fact that Beth really isn't shaggy, and I don't think she's ever drooled on me, I think it's spot on.

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  11. THOSE are the only two reasons you can think of!?!
    you guys suck.

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  12. Beth, I can't believe you hate rescue dogs! EVERYONE likes rescue dogs. Do you also hate guide dogs?

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  13. i don't hate rescue dogs, miss put-words-in-my-mouth. i like them very much. i also like taranchulas- but i don't want to be personified by one, now do i!

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  14. I don't think a swiss rescue dog would use the "s" word, so I don't think you get to be one anymore.
    Also, I changed my picture to make you feel better.

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  15. Nnnooooo! the picture was the best part! :)

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  16. hey! I miss the sexy cyborg lady!

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  17. me too. carrie, do something. viv doesn't even own a duster.

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  18. This is Lucy- Mom says i would be a dragon...I'm pretty to look at, I like to hoard beautiful stuff, I like to sleep in, and I can get very grumpy when little hobbits start bothering me. Theo is probably a hobbit. Or an imp.

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