Kids

Mae called Gordon into the bathroom to help her use the toilet-

Gordon: You know what I remember about Mae?
Mae:What?
Gordon: I remember that Mae knows how to do this all by herself.

Mae: You know what I remember about Mae?
Gordon: What?
Mae: Help me.

Awkward Circumstance, Part 2

Carrie and the kids came to stay in Utah for a couple weeks. They stayed at a friend’s house in Provo for a couple nights and bought tickets to go watch the musical Oklahoma at Sundance before heading back up to Salt Lake. Sadly, Lucy threw up the night before and was still too sick to go, which caused a conundrum - Carrie didn’t want her tickets to go to waste, but she also didn’t want to go then come back to Provo to pick up Lucy then drive up to the Gregorys in SLC. I happened to be down in Provo, so I offered to pick Lucy up and bring her back up to SLC with me so Carrie and Theo wouldn’t have to miss any of the play. 

I texted Carrie asking her to call me when the play was over so I could know where to take Lucy and what to do with her, but we were never able to connect. So, I just drove to my apartment, thinking Lucy could lay on my couch until Carrie got there to transfer her to the Gregorys. However, just as I was about to park Lucy arose from her stupor enough to moan, “Am I staying at your house?” 

“No, but the Gregorys don’t know we’re coming and I just thought you could stay here for an hour until your mom…”

“I know the code to get in” she interrupted, obviously just wanting to get into her bed as quickly as possible.

“Okayyyy,” I said, feeling a little weird about letting myself into someone’s house so late at night when they didn’t know I was coming. But, I reasoned, the Gregorys would probably be asleep and I could deposit Lucy in the guest room quietly and then leave. 

Sure enough, the house was completely dark when we pulled up. Lucy let us in the back door, we stumbled through the dark house into the guest room, and I tucked Lucy in. Feeling like a bad aunt for just leaving her alone, I patted her and magnanimously said, “Can I get you some water or something before I go?”

“Can I have some ice?”

I hesitated. A cup of water would be easy since the bathroom was close. But ice? Getting ice meant delving deeper, uninvited, into a house whose owners probably think of me as the “dead frog girl” (see Pomp & Awkward Circumstance). But how could I deny my poor sick niece this one comfort?

So that’s how I found myself creeping like a home invader through a dark strange house at 11 pm, right past a dark strange hallway that HAD SOMEBODY WALKING TOWARDS ME. My heart and lungs immediately stopped working but my legs managed to walk me two more steps into the kitchen before they too froze. My brain, however, started firing a million miles a minute, weighing options and variables in a panic. 

DID SHE SEE ME DO I ANNOUNCE MYSELF OR DO I HIDE SHE CANNOT FIND ME HERE SHE MIGHT DIE (I MIGHT DIE) HOW GOOD IS HER HEARING AND EYESIGHT STILL PRETTY SHARP I THINK DANGIT SHOULD I SNEAK INTO THE NEXT ROOM MY FLIP FLOPS ARE SO LOUD SHOULD I PRETEND TO BE CARRIE PEOPLE SAY I SOUND LIKE HER PLEASE GLYNIS PLEASE DON’T COME IN HERE OR TURN AROUND OR TURN ON THE LIGHT I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING IT’S LIKE THE FROG ALL OVER AGAIN WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I JUST WANT THEM TO LIKE ME I CAN’T LET HER SEE ME OR SHE’LL NEVER INVITE ME OVER FOR QUICHE AND GOOSEBERRY PIE EVER AGAIN WHAT DO I DO?!?!

After what felt like an eternity, she simply walked out of the hallway, looked to see that the guest bedroom light was on, then turned around and walked back down the hallway. I stood frozen in the kitchen, listening to her retreating steps, waiting until I heard the bedroom door close, and then waiting another minute for good measure (and to try to calm down somewhat). 

There’s no quiet way to get ice, but I managed to get some in a water bottle I pilfered from the counter and then sneaked back to the guest bedroom (now holding flip flops in hand), where I swore Lucy to secrecy. “Your grandparents don’t need to know that I was ever here!” 

A couple days later Glynis invited me over to join the family for Sunday brunch. “It’s so good to have you, it’s been so long since we’ve seen you!” she kindly exclaimed. Well, I thought, it hasn’t been that long since I’ve seen you!

A Flash Flood of Elk

"I don't believe in moose," Carrie proclaimed, after hiking 9 minutes and still not seeing a moose.

"Be careful, the last time you said you didn't believe in something you got flash-flooded..." Rachel warned.

"You're right, now we're probably going to be stampeded."

40 minutes later...

"WHAT is that NOISE?!?"

For a minute I thought we actually had conjured a flash flood of moose... It was no less cool to realize it was "just" 25 frisky elk that had leaped into the lake to play next to us.

Vivian suggests Carrie should proclaim she "doesn't believe" in $1,000,000.