Thursday, October 25, 2012

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Big is Beautiful

So, during the first few months of this pregnancy, I started to show pretty early, and my coworkers could not get enough of telling me how big I was, how I was getting bigger all the time, and how big my baby was going to be.

I got really tired of it- not because I felt insulted that they thought I was “fat,” but because the comments had no point. And how was I supposed to respond to the 14th “big” comment that week?

-Yes, I was getting bigger, but guess what? Pregnant women get bigger. Have you forgotten your pregnancies?

-Yes, my belly is sort of big right now, but the ultrasound puts him right on target for size, so- No, I don’t think he’s going to be a Giant Baby.

Anyway, right about the time when I would have lost it, my weight gain evened out, and my coworkers stopped making it a regular conversation topic.

Until this week.

I’m not sure if there’s been a surge in growth, or if it’s the clothes I’m wearing, or if my coworkers are just starting to pay attention again, but the comments (and pointing and laughing) have resumed. Only now, they like to do impressions of me, holding their arms in a large circle (to represent my belly), walking (or waddling) straight-legged, like some kind of zombie (which, I must point out, is not how I walk at all. I still have my dignity), showing how my belly comes through the doorway long before the rest of me.

This afternoon, amazed, I said, “You guys are lucky I'm not one of those pregnant ladies that gets really upset and offended by people saying how big they are."

“Oh, no! I think it's beautiful!" (Haha, yeah, I’m sure that’s what you were thinking doing the zombie walk)

And I said, "Well, that doesn't matter to a lot of pregnant ladies. They still don't like it, you know? They already feel big and cumbersome, and don’t want to know other people see them that way, too."

“We only say it because you know us, and we know you."

(Which would be a valid point, if it were true)

I said, "…No, i think you would say that to anybody," since i know they can't hold their tongues very well, and don’t have much of a filter.

And one of them said, "No! I just saw Adrienne (another pregnant lady) today, and I didn't say anything!"


And I said, "…Weeell, that's because you think Adrienne is tiny..."

"Yeah, but I didn't tell her how tiny she was!!"

Yeeeaaah… I’m not sure you get the point.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Cub Scouts, Puddle.

Five years ago, after Lucy ruined my cell phone by peeing on it, I spent $20 and bought the cheapest cell phone I could find.  I had no great hopes for it, thinking maybe it would last for a few months until I was eligible for a free phone from my phone company.  Since then it has been kicked, dropped in the sand, chewed on by a rabbit and abused by small children. I can't even count how many times it went skittering across our Puerto Rican concrete floor.  After awhile I started to realize that hey, this phone is tough.  Also, I only have to charge it once a month.  And it almost always has reception and never drops calls. Pretty soon I was feeling kind of ridiculously fond of the little guy.

When Rachel saw my phone, she said, "Did you know your phone is famous on the Internet?"

It's true.  So here, in memorium, an internet meme tribute:




I don't want a flip phone.  I don't want a camera.  I don't want 4G internet capability.  I just want you.

RIP, Nokia phone. 

Friday, October 19, 2012

Ashby Girls Heart Mark Porter.

From Carrie:

Because- just look at him.
Because I grew up at his house.
Because once he threw up and I cleaned it up and I just knew we were bonded for life after that.
Because Mark once spent an entire summer trying to teach me to play 'Legend of Zelda'.  Do you know how hard it is to watch someone ELSE lose a video game over and over and not take the controls away from them?
Because Mark is comforting.  Even now,  I frequently feel the urge to lean my head on Mark's shoulder.
Because Mark once spent 20 minutes parked with me behind a grocery store while I breastfed baby Lucy and didn't act all weird about it.
Because of that almost wistful look he gets when he's trying to sell you some dubious information.
Because Mark is funny.  Just ask him.
Because of this:

From Claire:

Because every time I watch that home video from Christmas 1988 when the Porters were over hanging out, we're all so obnoxious (Mark especially), and awkward that it makes me feel like I'm watching myself with my brother.
Because every time I watch the Vampire movie, I remember the pure glee on director Mark's face as he made Amy, Vivian, and me walk toward the camera (over and over again), then let down, and slowly shake, our long hair.
Because he was the first person to ever flirt with me. And even though he flirts with everyone, including my mother, it still made me feel special.
Because I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out which of his utterances were lies, and which were truth, because most fell somewhere in between.
Because he calls me Kitten.
From V

Because I spent many many a summer night with Mark scheming up some kind of trouble including a super secret club, mud pit wrestling, armor-all trampoline, "wild" uno rules, who's line is it anyway, I could keep going...
Because he can dance like strawberry shortcake
Because his eyebrows go up when he's lying, or at least I'm pretty sure...
Because he helped to bless my baby girl
Because he burned granola at mom's birthday party.  He's understands that level of inside jokes.
Because we once spent 3 hours driving around Berkeley looking for our pizza

from beth:

cuz he is really nice to me. and i am curiously drawn to people who think i am awesome.
cuz he is one of the only friends that can crash thanksgiving or christmas and i don't mind a bit. 
cuz he is really good at initiating conversation when i am feeling shy.
cuz he is SO good with babies and kids.
cuz he's SO DANG FUNNY! can i get an amen!?
cuz he gets almost as excited as i do about stuff. really excited.  

From Sarah:

Because he was my first boyfriend
Because no matter how long it is between seeing each other we're still good friends
Because he can tell a good story. "I've seen better."
Because let's just face it- who could not like Mark?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

what's in a nose?

this is a post about my nose.  for some reason, i was thinking today about how much i use my nose in life, especially in parenting.  last night, about 3am, i woke up and the room was filled with smoke.  not just the smell of smoke, like what was on eric when he and tim came home from camping.  i mean thick- make my throat sting- smoke.  i hopped up and looked everywhere, trying to figure out where it was coming from.  because i was tired and it was dark, i just ended up using my nose, walking all over the house, smelling.   i followed it to a window and figured out that the smoke from  my neighbor's chimney was being sucked straight in our open window.

what do you use your nose for?

  sometimes it is yucky.  i walk into my kitchen.. there is a funny smell.  if it smells like wine, check the fruit basket.  if it smells like death, check the mouse trap or the potato bin.  by smell, you can tell if a kid has a dirty diaper, if they brushed their teeth, and after some practice, sometimes you can even tell if one is about to throw up.  you can smell if your engine is not right, or if you used your brakes too much coming down the hill.  trash that needs to be taken out.  you smell a washcloth or a towel to see if it needs to be washed.  or the classic- i have just burned the garlic bread... again.   i found a propane leak at my friends house.   i have even found a dead chicken in the grass with my nose.

but it is not just nasty things:  you can smell the seasons, or if it is going to rain.  the smell of bread or cookies reminds you they are in the oven, or if the stew needs pepper.  the light bleachy smell of white laundry.  you can tell if a kid shampooed their hair or just rinsed and got out.  i am constantly smelling and testing the air for signs that i should pay attention to.  i also cannot have smelly candles (unless it is christmas or something special) or other chemical scents in the air.  i don't like my clothes smelling like anything other than clean.

am i the only one?  what do you smell?  do you import other smells into your house?

"i seem to smell the stench of appeasement in the air."  margaret thatcher

Who Wore it better?

Sometimes on the red carpet two or more people are caught wearing the same thing (gasp!). Inevitably the discussion quickly turns to "who wore it better?"

This question came up recently when Gwen found a new hat, and we need your help.

So who wore it better? 


Tell us in the comments.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Talladega Afternoons

Chris heard tattoos make you look tougher.
Would you rather go to Talladega or Eastaboga? Us too!
Blending in with the crowd.
Even Sarah went a little crazy.

 Lucy protested the whole activity by bringing along "The History of the World" and refusing to look up even once.
It was so, so loud.
Hey there, tiger.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Lucy's 9th birthday was pretty epic.  We had 10 girls, all running around in Rachel's supercool handcrafted t-shirts, performing feats of strength and having in-depth discussions about some of the finer points of Greek mythology.  The premise of the Percy Jackson books, for those of you who don't know, is that the gods still occasionally have children with mortals, just like they used to do back when.  Those kids don't fit in so well in public school and end up at Camp Half Blood.  I have to say that our Camp Half Blood was pretty heroic, especially the mallet vs. sword capture-the-flag showdown.  Some of my favorite quotes from the girls:

"Nectar rocks!"

Hana: I want to be a daughter of Hestia.
Lucy: Are you crazy?  Hestia didn't have children! (That's true- I googled it.)

"Who is Demeter's father again?"  "Umm....I think it was Cronos."  (Also true.)

Me: Lucy! Isabelle!  Stop hitting each other so hard with those cardboard swords!
Isabelle:  Sorry, we're both daughters of Athena...I'll just leave it at that!