At least I didn’t die

Today made me reminisce about my terrible birthday last year, and I thought it should go in the record books.

It started going downhill on Sunday the 24th. I got called to be activities chair, the last calling I wanted (I actually thought, ‘I would rather be RS president’). The day was super stressful because I was informed there were a lot of activities I was now in charge of but that hadn’t been organized yet. For example, “There’s a regional fireside tonight you need to plan for” Oh really. “And we don’t have anyone to say the prayer or conduct or play the piano or bring dessert”. Uh huh. “…and you’re conducting the meeting” Of course. “And you’re in charge of FHE tomorrow”. Oh really. What’s been planned? “Nothing”. Oookay.

After a long day of meetings and planning and no food, I had 20 minutes to eat something before running off to the fireside. But when I opened my door, there was a huge pool of water on my floor! Water was leaking copiously from the ceiling and soaked through my bed, clothes, shoes, books, papers, rug, and blankets.

I started to try and salvage things and mop up, but I realized I had no time to do damage control and to make it to the meeting. I felt absolutely terrible, but decided I had to back out. But no one answered their phone. Not the bishop or his counselors, no one on my committee, none of the people I was supposed to give rides to. Finally I got a hold of one of my committee members and told him, while wringing out a towel, that he’s in charge now.

Feeling like a chump for bailing on my first day on the job, I finished wringing out blankets and towels, hanging up wet clothes and papers, and hair-drying books and pillows. I couldn’t get a hold of my landlady, either, so I set up three small pots and went to bed hoping the roof wouldn’t fall in on my head. I slept terribly, since there was a constant ploink-ploink noise, my bed was wet, and I had to get up periodically to empty the pots before they overflowed. At one point I was woken up by a 1am text from a friend wishing me a happy birthday.

The next day I woke up tired and unhappy and went in to work, where I had a really boring day and no one knew it was my birthday. One lady brought in muffins to share with the office… I pretended it was cake and that she made it for me. The one good thing was that I finally got a hold of my landlady, who said she’d send someone to check out the ceiling and start repairs.

I got home after work…and couldn’t open my door. The maintenance guy had locked both locks on my door, but I only had the key to one. I was locked out of my apartment on my birthday. And I couldn’t get a hold of my landlady or the maintenance guy. I tried breaking in with a credit card and jimmying the window-lock with a piece of metal I scavenged, but neither worked. Claire had set up a group chat with all of the sisters, which was the one thing I was looking forward to all day…but we had to postpone it. Obviously. So I just sat outside my apartment and I may or may not have cried a little.

Soon enough, it was time for the FHE I was in charge of. After a 40 minute drive making small talk with more people that didn’t know it was my birthday, two hours of pretending to be excited about some activity I came up with, and 40 minutes driving people back home…I finally got to my apartment, found the maintenance guy, and got inside. Phew. I decided to take a shower to relax.

I got in when the water was medium-warm, expecting it to get hotter…but it didn’t. It got freezing cold. So I rushed through and reached to turn off the water when it hit me…I had no dry towels. I had used them all, even the dish towels, to mop up the pool last night. What else could go wrong?! I jumped out of the shower to try and find something somewhat dry, but in my haste my heel got cut on the door of my shower and I started bleeding everywhere.

What a fitting end to a bad birthday - cold, wet, naked and bleeding on my bathroom floor.

…

The next day, we succeeded in having the group sister chat. Beth read a quote that was the theme for my birthday - “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die.”

But I still have a scar.