Monday, November 22, 2010

Gordon

1. I cross my sevens.

2. It’s interesting how these things work. I’ve always kind of disliked the whole idea of these chain notes – I tag you and you tag 25 people and soon the whole world is it. But I can see how they get going, because I kind of feel obligated to do this, having been tagged myself. It almost seems like I’d maybe be letting down the tagger if I were to just ignore this, and I’m nothing if not careful to try not to let down taggers. My grandfather wrote a sort of life history a few years back, and in it he talks about his father (whom I never met). When he bought produce, he always made sure to pick out fruits and or vegetables of various qualities. For example, if he were buying apples, he’d get some nice looking ones and some average ones and also some that were in bad condition, which were possibly beyond edible. He explained to my grandpa that it wasn’t fair to leave the grocer with fruit he couldn’t sell. I like his attitude. If my family were to go to a ward potluck dinner, and there were some food item that wasn’t getting eaten very quickly, we would make sure to take some, and to point out to each other that we should all try Sister Anderson’s five-bean salad. This way, Sister Anderson would feel better about her efforts, and really, who cares if we like five-bean salad or not. This is essentially the reason for me writing this note. It’s also why I’ll only tag Tim back, so that he’ll see that I followed through. It’s also why I’ll do my best to keep this a little livelier than it might otherwise be.

3. I’m a Wikipedia prodigy. I can get from any article to any other article by following six or fewer links. I have yet to fail at this.

4. Several months back, I met privately with Barack Obama who asked if I would consider accepting the Vice Presidential nomination. I chose to decline, citing personal reasons.

5. I’ve never killed a man I didn’t like.

6. This bus smells
like a Nevada Hotel room.

7. In 1974, I was voted biggest flirt at my high school. The next year, I was voted Prom King.

8. Apparently, they called Huey Long the Kingfish for nothing.

9. Have you ever seen an anime show where the main character’s in a fix and is about to die or has to save someone’s life or something, and he’s like – I’m going to do THIS!!! and everyone else like, NO WAY!!! That’s IMPOSSIBLE!!! And he’s like, I’m doin’ it anyway and HE DOES!!!? That’s pretty much my life in a nutshell.

10. If I’ve ever discussed politics with you and you thought I was joking about my ideas, you were wrong.

11. I’ve been an illegal immigrant./ There are 17 varieties of chocolate in my desk drawer.

12. Rocket ships
don’t fascinate
me the way that
a falling leaf or
a cracked sheet of ice
does.

14. I can tell if a racehorse won’t win the triple crown by just hearing its name. Funny Cide? Smarty Jones? Sir Barton? Big Brown? Give me a break.

16. If you repeat the last couple of words of a sentence in French, it makes you sound very smart. Très intelligent.

17. You can pronounce any word in French by just remembering that all the consonants are silent./ Je suis monsieur tous le monde.

18. I’m not half as eruditic as I pretend to be.

18. While riding in a car on the way to Alabama from Maryland, but in Virginia or possibly North Carolina, with my brother and a girl he knows who also sings, we sang a couple songs. After the first song, Nathan said, "You don't have to hold back," or something like that. After the second song, Leland, whom I'd just met, looked back at me and said, "Damn!"

19. Last week a girl came to class
with a tape recorder to record the
lecture for her friend who was sick.
I wondered if anyone would come
to record the lecture if I were sick.
I wonder if I would go record a
lecture for anyone who was sick.

20. I’m an excellent tipper. If you ever wait my table or cut my hair, you won’t regret it.

21. I’m proud to have fought alongside Bierce and Rochefoucauld in 'Nam.

21. I have memorized the following poems: “The Second Coming” and “The Song of Wandering Angus” by William Butler Yeats; “The Emperor of Ice Cream” by Wallace Stevens; “To a Poor Old Woman,” “This is Just to Say,” “The Act,” and “The Red Wheelbarrow” by William Carlos Williams; “Tearing the Page” and “First World” by Li-Young Lee; “A Song” by Joseph Brodsky; “Advice to a Prophet” by Richard Wilbur; “A Dream Deferred” by Langston Hughes; “First Fig” and “Second Fig” by Edna St. Vincent Millay; “The List of Famous Hats” by James Tate; “The Boston Evening Transcript,” “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” and the first section of “Little Gidding” by T.S. Eliot; and “In a Station of the Metro” by Ezra Pound. And some others, I think.

22. I’m a virgin.

23. One time, William and I got locked in the lobby of the Hobby Lobby in Santa Fe.

24. I’m a little relieved that Tom Daschle withdrew from consideration for his cabinet post. I once followed the recipe for “Tom Daschle’s Famous Cheesecake” and had to evacuate the house because of the smoke from the inordinate amount of butter in the crust that dripped to the bottom of the oven and burned. Since that day, I’ve always been a bit dubious of Mr. Daschle.

25. I always cross myself when I say, “May he rest in peace.” As in, “They called Huey Long the Kingfish for nothing, may he rest in peace.” But what you don’t see is that I’m crossing myself.

4 comments:

  1. you might be surprised at how many of these are actually true.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you might be right, because I only believe 2 without skepticism.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is #12 a Leonard Nimoy poem?

    And what do you have against the #15? Sure, nobody likes 13... except those who do just because others don't like it. But 15?

    ReplyDelete