Most Embarrassing

so... i have a hard time retaining in memory my most embarrassing moments. i am sure i have had some good ones. i can even remember thinking "this! this will be what i remember and tell..", but nope. they fly away. i can remember a few that have great stories attached, like when tim swung the headlights around on me (let me know if you want to hear that story and i'll decide whether or not our relationship can stand it), but mostly i get over it and forget.

but not this time.

so i have a crush on a woman in my ward. she is very beautiful, very put together, long, amazing hair, and very well dressed. she is also 6'1". she is very nice, but not friendly, in a shy way. she is so TALL and cool, and the wife of our first counselor in our stake (also super cool and very funny). i can get along with just about anyone, but this woman throws me. we don't cross paths much, and i get embarrassed really quick, and have a hard time thinking what to say to her. she is SO nice, but not helpful in a conversation. she mostly just stands there, looking amazing and smiling.

ANYWAY...

you know how humbling it is to look foolish in front of someone you are trying to get to like you, even worse if it is some one you feel awkward around anyway.

well, i was up at the store at 8:30pm one night (read: past bedtime) with 4 kids (read: tired and cranky). i was pregnant (read: wiped out and hurting) and i had a huge cart full of food that had taken 45 min to collect. i live about 20 min away from the grocery store, and i had just found out after waiting in line that the new store i picked didn't take discover cards, i didn't have my bank card for some reason, and they didn't take checks. these nice friends live just down the street. so i swallowed my pride and called her. she graciously came over and paid for the groceries, and i wrote her a check, blabbering the whole time. no big deal, helped me out so much, but it still flustered me and i worried that it may have put me on the "slightly incompetent/non-self sufficient" team.

But i still hoped that she was charitable enough to give me a bye. i may be able to have enough other positive contact with her to "prove" that i am not on that team.

so a few weeks later, i am in madera in another grocery store, and it is my first run out with new baby colin and jack. i am only 3 weeks post baby (read: no sleep/borderline crazy). i see her with her 3 children in the store. we smile and i try hard make sense (read: not gush) and answer her intelligently (read: finish a sentence and not stutter).

you know how in a store, when you see people you know, you say hi/good bye, but you run into them over and over again as you walk the isles? so awkward! do you say hello again? do you pretend not to see them? do you make small talk about what ever you are holding ("how about this lettuce!") ? do you try to hold your breath and do a flip turn at the end of the lane?

so we end up at the check out together. her children are smiley but silent and waiting, just like their mother. i fumble through unloading, crying baby, jack "helping", paying and putting the groceries into bags, all the while trying to force casual, friendly competence (read: short, manic bursts of me trying to be likable).

i get finished, make sure i have my card back, load jack up, and get my receipt. i toss out a friendly (or was it crazed?) good bye and run out, wondering what it is in my brain that i need to surgically correct in order to have a normal conversation with this woman.

i am taking deep breaths to calm my self down as i push my cart to my car and start unlocking the door when her 14 year old runs up to me.

"sister lawrence! sister lawrence! you left all your groceries at the check out!"

i stare at her for 3 clicks, then slowly turn and look in my cart. sure enough, there is nothing in there that i didn't give birth to. no grocery bags, no milk. nothing.

to make it worse, i saw her husband (i have a crush on him too) the next day and i shook my head as i told him about running in to his wife, and he said,

"oh yes! that was the topic of conversation around the dinner table last night."

i am totally on that team. sigh.