A few nights ago while getting the kids ready for bed we heard loud sirens going off all around the neighborhood. Chris and I looked at each other quizzically; they sounded important, like maybe the kind of thing everyone else knew about but us. As Chris Googled 'loud sirens in my neighborhood', our neighbors called to invite us down to their basement to ride out the tornado warning.
Oh! A tornado warning! That's like, one step up from a tornado watch, right? We should get some stuff ready, or something! I walked quickly around our house, envisioning the next day's headlines: LOCAL WOMAN WHIRLED TO DEATH WHILE SEARCHING FOR GAMES TO TAKE TO BASEMENT. Rapidly abandoning prolonged planning measures (we're not Thomases, you know), we showed up on our neighbor's doorstep clutching a flashlight and a box of cookies. To quote Homer Simpson, "Practical AND alluring!"
Excitement dropped off from there. The real weather action was a bit north of us, so we sat on their couch, told jokes, ate cookies, retrieved our kids from the basement closet and went home.
I did, however, have some time to think about disasters. Specifically, under what circumstances would we ever have to eat Fishy-Nipper? And, whose job would it be to kill him if we did have to eat him? Mine, obviously. Chris wouldn't want to do it, and I would be wife-hovering the whole time, not trusting him to do it right. But how would I do it? I'm not especially strong. We don't own a gun. I can't imagine using a knife. So while the idea of eating him doesn't bother me at all, I'm still stumped about how to achieve it. I want to know- who would kill the bunny at your house, and how would they do it?
I have no practical advice to offer. Just sadness that this isn't a funny story about your kids and a chocolate Easter bunny.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you've inspired us to have that all so important how-will-we-go-about-catching-and-killing-our-neighbor's-dogs talk. For the record, we decided a hunting knife would be the best, and that I'd have to hold the dog down while Tyler did it.
ReplyDeleteI also expected a story about a chocolate bunny.
who in my household would be responsible for killing our food? obviously me. so i changed the question. i asked gordon if he would even consider eating our pet rabbit if we were hungry.
ReplyDeletehe thought about it, and said, "no."
i said, "really? even if you were starving?"
he said, "it just seems like there would be better options."
"like what??"
"i don't know. roots...and pastries."
by an unlucky twist of fate, we had 5 roosters that needed to go away. so not wanting to waste them, i put the word out and a cute, young couple decided they wanted to "harvest" them. i watched from my window as the feathers, blood, and screaming reached it's pitch, then i went out to help them. it took us 15 min to kill the first one. or was it already dead? it was awful. i had this idea that the head would just come off with a knife. i had no idea there was ... sawing..(mental note: sharper knife) involved.
ReplyDeleteanyway, they gave up in disgust after 3 hours and only 3 dead, skinned, bony chickens ("forget it! i'll pay $5 for one!"). so i asked tim to take care of the other two. he walked out there, grabbed them BOTH by the feet, and using a golf swing, cracked their heads against the brick wall, and threw them in the trash. 3 min tops.
ok, so I'm going to go ahead and nominate Tim to take care of business for the whole family.
ReplyDeleteSee, nobody likes chicken on a bone.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm still not exactly sure what that Thomases line means but if you're saying we plan ahead than I'm already planning on recruiting Tim to my team.
I would have to have mom do it but I'm not sure I could eat a pet.
ReplyDeletei don't know if this post had anything to do with it, but i now own 3 peking ducks. yum!
ReplyDelete