Texts from last year

Sometimes we're funny texting and I don't want to lose those, so here are some highlights from the last year.

12/17/18
Carrie: Oh Holy Night Christmas cry, check. Lucy said, "Mom tears, they're rare and precious. I should collect them in a vial - they're probably good for something."

1/11/19
Beth: Hahaha I gave Colin 2 jobs: 1. Go get me the vacuum 2. Sneakily go find out what Eric is up to and report back. So he yelled what Eric was doing from right next to Eric, and then snuck the vacuum to me. Colin- "What?! Why are you laughing?"
Sarah: Weelll you can't win um all
Carrie: Trying to picture how you sneak a vacuum. I'm guessing you saw him coming.

1/24/19
Claire: In Hal's prayer tonight: "Please let me be wrong, and dinner be good tonight." Apparently he didn't have enough faith, though.

1/31/19
Carrie: We have discovered that when Theo is lying he sounds like an elderly British woman. "Great knitting baskets, no! I never touched your phone!" (Very high pitched) "Heavens to peach cakes, I would nevah"

2/28/19
Carrie: Was it one of you who was talking about a biscuit recipe that made actually fluffy biscuits?
Beth: Nope. Hockey pucks here.
...(actual baking tips)
Rachel: You should put cardamom in your biscuits
Carrie: I'll put cardamom in YOUR biscuits.
Beth: Whoa whoa now..everyone take a deep breath
Carrie: Your mom puts cardamom in her biscuits.
Rachel: Carrie! You gave up 'your mom' jokes for lent!

3/4/19
Carrie: Chicken haiku:
Live chicken cold night
Three fresh eggs greet the morning
How are you not dead?
...(general conversation about how cold it is in CO)
Carrie: But you guys are focused on how cold it is and not on my gift for writing chicken poetry.
Vivian: Chickens are so inspiring, that stuff basically writes itself.

3/9/19
Carrie: In the annals of things I never thought I'd have to do as RS president...I got a panicked call this morning from someone who was at the airport without their passport who needed me to break into their house and wake up their 22 year old son (whom I've never met) so he could bring the passport to the airport. I've never even been in her home before. He was VERY surprised to see me. "Um, you don't know me but your mom wants to talk to you" said through a cracked door into a totally dark bedroom.
Sarah: Rachel can give you some tips of how to be sneaky in someone else's house

3/20/19
Sarah: I think mom's good for b-day but she would like a family photo from everyone
Carrie: She wants a Gregory family photo?! What will she ask for next, the moon?

3/20/19
Sarah: Our car came out of the laundry and her back legs weren't working
Vivian: Can you explain that sentence?
Claire: Cat. Laundry chute.
Vivian: Ah.
...(general sadness)
Rachel: I think if the paralysis stays, Beth should make her a harness and wheelchair so she can wheel herself around:)
Beth: Uh. No. I'm already making one for Eric and Tim. Maybe after that...
Carrie: I'm with Rachel about a little cart for Maybe. How about one of those Fisher Price vehicles?

3/23/19
Carrie: I sent Theo off on his bike to meet his friends at the park, with no supervision. I lasted about 5 minutes before I offered Lucy extra tech time to sneak down there and make sure he's ok.
Vivian: Haha. Probably spray painting some walls
Carrie: Doing a little car-jacking
Sarah: Have you met Theo? He was probably just organizing a game of Risk.

4/13/19
Carrie: Lucy would like to know if any of your children are particularly slow eaters. She's trying to see if it follows the patterns of a genetic trait. No need to respond, Rachel. Your data point is already plotted.

4/22/19
Vivian: Who's is this? (picture of pill case attached). I found it in my jacket pocket with drugs in it.
Carrie: Nancy Drew mystery! Maybe it belongs to Uncle Phil? That's who usually puts the drugs in my jacket pockets.
Sarah: Rachel?
Claire: Benadryl and Tylenol. You're looking for a feverish sneezer.
Sarah: It's Rachel's
Carrie: Lol. With excellent taste in pill boxes. The Case of the Alabaster Pill Box
Vivian: Hahaha you guys are making me laugh. I think we've made some excellent Nancy Drew deductions. "But where did it come from?" asked Nancy. "And however did it get into my pocket without me noticing!? Let's go down to the basement to look for more clues."
Rachel: Oh that's mine, haha. How DID that get in your jacket pocket?
Vivian: That's the mystery. Sarah knew it all along. And was trying to tell us but we weren't listening
Sarah: You guys never listen :)

5/7/19
Sarah: Ok 1st one to come get this mystery sweatshirt it's yours (picture attached)
Vivian: I'm almost positive that is Claire's, but I'll take it and Carrie can steal it from me
Claire: Viv can take it, Carrie can steal it, I'll passive aggressively mention once a year that I think it used to be mine
Carrie: Oh yeah, I'd steal that

5/10/19
Beth: (picture of mom) Mom is looking adorable, just so you know
Claire: Totes adorbs.

5/20/19
Claire: FHE tonight: Gordon says, "So, do you know what Jesus said was the first commandment? It was...'Love God,'" Mae, "Aaawwww." (Said in three syllables)
Beth: I love Mae. And God.

7/24/19
Beth: (picture of Sarah) Let's talk about how cute Sarah looks in this picture
Claire: Cutie McCuteface

7/24/19
Beth: Me to Darcy- Amazon didn't like that address. Is it correct?
Darcy- Well it's in an alley so..
Beth- YOUR LIVING IN AN ALLEY?!
Darcy- Ha ha It's only temporary, Mom

7/25/19
Beth: Do you think mom knows she sent mark porter Poo emoji's for his birthday? (screenshot attached)
Beth: Maybe I ought to tell her or maybe she was being super funny
Sarah: No tell her. I'd guess she had no idea
Claire: Or don't tell her
Vivian: Honestly I bet it made Mark laugh
(later)
Sarah: She thought it was chocolate
Beth: I knew it.

8/1/19
Carrie: While I was on the river someone from the ward used their phone call to call me from jail!
Rachel: Haha, for real?? That's crazy! Did you find out about it checking your voicemail?
Carrie: Yep. "This is the Larimer county detention center. You have missed a call from an inmate."
Vivian: I'm sad you didn't pick up this one. Hahah

8/5/19
Carrie: Guys, I just won fortnight as a pacifist! #shrubberyforever
Claire: I am so proud of you. Seriously
Carrie: Me too! The other guy fell off his tower.
Vivian: What. The. Heck. Hahahaha
Rachel: Hahahaha I really wish you had the capability to record the game like John Green does, that would've been hilarious to watch
Sarah: Oh man it would be an internet sensation of you had
Carrie: It was a crazy ending. The guy built a tower right over my bush, then I stood up with my hands empty in good dramatic pacifist fashion, and he fell off his tower. I like to think I startled him, but I'm not sure.

8/6/19
Claire: If you guys had a chance to get a part cat, part bobcat, would you take it?

8/13/19
Carrie: Me, at the end of a long hot tiring day and 90 min drive home in traffic: "How about when we get home everyone goes to a separate room and gets on an electronic device and we don't talk to or see each other for a little while" Surprisingly they were ok with that idea.
Lucy - "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, so I'm going to say yes just in case you're serious."
Vivian: Hahaha. Lucy's response is perfect. "it might be a trick, but if not...mmmm boy"
Carrie: Lol. Exactly

9/2/19
Sarah: I'm going to clean out the bathroom drawers is there anything you can think of I should keep or have around?
Everyone else: (lists every single thing in the bathroom drawers)
Vivian: Can I put things on the list that weren't there before? :-)

9/11/19
Carrie: Remember that time I [redacted] and you guys were so nice and hardly made fun of me at all. Good grief that's embarrassing. Y'all are good sisters. Let's never mention this again.
Sarah: That thing were not talking about was good
Carrie: Hahaha. Thanks Sarah. See what I mean? You guys are nice.
Vivian: Well as it turns out I have no room to judge. As a 38 year old woman, I went to a taco shop dressed as a squirrel.
Carrie: Lol. It's the kind of stuff teenagers would do, thinking they were cool and we would all just look knowingly at each other over their heads and reassure ourselves that it's just a phase. "They won't eat off of the floor or dress like a squirrel forever..."
Sarah: I'm afraid viv's is not a phase
Carrie: I certainly hope not
Sarah: Didn't Viv say she wanted to be barried in the squirrel suit?
Carrie: Yes, I took notes: "open casket, squirrel suit, cremation in squirrel suit. Ashes in Yosemite." Please do NOT bury me with [redacted]
Sarah: Haha no we wouldn't
Claire: Haha. No, we'll just [redacted] it during the eulogy
Carrie: Gah. To quote Hugo, I would kill you dead
Sarah: I really like you guys
Carrie: Yeah. Ditto.

9/23/19
Carrie: Lucy- mom I scored the highest possible on our standardized test. I'm reading at above an 11th grade level.
Me- Well I should hope so.
Lucy- Can we call Beth? Because she is way better at reacting than you.
Everyone else: (general laughing and congratulations for Lucy)
Carrie: Now you guys are all showing off. Being all emotive and stuff.
Beth: *fighting sending a gif...
Carrie: Beth, you should make a gif of you. And I'll just pull it up when I'm supposed to act excited
Beth: *gasp! Is that even a thing?

10/1/19
Beth: I just said the phrase "I need glitter" standing in hobby lobby
Carrie: Fancy girl

10/16/19
Claire: Hal had a breakdown today...I told him to come to me when he was ready to talk about it. I sent Mae to ask him if he wanted some lemon and honey. He slipped this under the door (picture of note attached). Translation- "Mom. I did this for a reason and you don't understand. Chapter Two Main idea. You need to think about other people's feelings. I deserve that ok! Be better. Let me watch on the computer.

10/20/19
Carrie: (picture of craziest-looking homemade pie ever) Good pies are all alike; Every weird pie is weird in its own way
Beth: Pie Psalms 5:25
Vivian: I'm singing that Messiah song in my head... "Oh we like pie, Have gone astra-aaa--aaay" Every one to his weird way
Carrie: Lol. Exactly. Hallelujah

10/25/19
Claire: A neighbor dropped off some boots for Mae. One is this pair (picture attached). They light up when you walk. I said something about how that's a shame. I don't like shoes like that. The kids asked why. I said, "I don't know. They just seem...crass." Gordon looked at me and said, "They're glittery pink cowboy boots. I'm not sure lights are what pushed them over that edge."

12/22/19
Carrie: After losing a chess match...
Theo- I think this has really lowered my self esteem.
Me- No! Don't let one chess match change how you feel about yourself.
Theo- Well, I mean, only for today.

1/3/19
Beth: Colin swiped the syrup from Hugo before he was done and Hugo said "Colin you are the Seagull of Syrups".