Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I Heart Chloe

After thinking about yesterday's post, there's more to be said. More to be said about Chloe, my sister Claire's alter-ego, named for the character on '24' who has nearly super-human powers at the computer. Read the following transcript from my conversation with Claire/Chloe during my perilous drive home yesterday:

ring ring
Me, a little panicked: Claire, I'm driving from Birmingham to Atlanta and it's crazy icy and I don't know if I'm going to make it!

Claire: click click (sounds of typing) Where are you exactly? Can you see any street signs?
Me: No. I can't see anything. I left Birmingham about 10 minutes ago going about 20 mph.

click click

Claire, literally 8 seconds later: OK, the fog will improve in 1.5 miles, then you'll have about 8 miles of traffic slowing. We're going to have to divert you- the freeway is closed about 20 miles outside of Atlanta and the traffic is completely stopped. Plus there's a dead raccoon on the side of the road we need to make sure you miss. And there's a sale at the Piggly Wiggly off of exit 24 if you need a snack.

Me: Don't leave me, Chloe, don't leave me!

35 minutes later, after the fog has lifted and exactly as the traffic is picking up, Claire calls me...

Claire: OK, are you through the bad traffic? Yes, I thought so. Now, I want you to drive for another 20 miles, then take exit 37, through Douglasville, turn right past the cemetary...looks like road 7 is still too snowy, so go right on road 6...don't follow the airport signs, the cleveland ave. exit is closed.

Me: are you sure? The roads are bad...maybe they'll open the freeway?...this sounds sketchy

Claire: this is your only hope.

-45 minutes later-

ring ring
Me: Claire, this is working great.

Claire: OK, you're 8.5 miles from the airport. The traffic light is out at the next intersection, but the right hand lane is still moving through OK, so stay right. I checked the Macon county registry and the lady driving the green car in front of you just had a baby, so don't tail her too closely, she might be unpredictable...

And so I made my way home, on the only clear roads for hundreds of miles, guided by the more than minor superhero powers of my sister. Later I checked and the freeway was still closed and black with stopped traffic. I would still be sitting there. I bet I'm not the only one with a story like this...?

---------

Once chatting w/ Claire, I offhandedly said 'I can't see that William Shatner was ever goodlooking'. Literally two seconds later this image popped up on my screen:

It's not that she could find it, it's the speed!

6 comments:

  1. I was having a bummer day and needed some cheering up.
    me: "how the heck are you so good at finding sytycd clips? i can never find what i am looking for..."
    9:29pm "hey you, find me the shoe dance, will ya?"

    Rachel: "ok"

    me: "well alrighty then."
    9:30 PM - (1 MINUTE LATER!!!)

    Rachel: http://www.rickey.org/?p=46010
    "scroll down a little"

    9:34 PM
    me: "how do you do that!?"

    Rachel: "by being awesome, generally"

    me: "haha ask a silly question..."

    Rachel: "wait. just so you know

    this is claire - i want credit"

    me: "hahahahahahahahahha"

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. I called Claire/Chloe in a panic. "I'm on the corner of Broadway and Swan looking for [this address]. I didn't anticipate that Broadway was a six lane highway going 40 mph, I think I'm going to pass it and my kids are freaking out, and I can't slow down to look for the address or else someone will shoot me." Claire says, "don't panic, it's a blue-ish building about 30 yards ahead of you on the right." "Indeed it is. You are amazing."

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  4. Well yeah, but everybody knows that William Shatner one was a gimme.

    She's had that link saved in her favorites for years.

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  5. Carrie - I thought Chloe was the name you called your GPS. Wait, I guess it is!

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  6. Wait a minute here, what were the super secret posts that were removed by Carrie and Beth? Did some trade secret of Chloe's get out momentarily?

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