Hal Summit Rees

Hal joined our family today. Born at 5:32 am, weighing 7 lb 14 oz, 20.5 in. in length.

Another fun work conversation...

I had an interesting conversation the other day with a student employee (Mr. A), hired to clean the anatomy lab on the weekends. I did you all a favor and edited this immensely. The entire conversation took about 45 minutes. And that’s only with me. My coworker had been discussing this with him for about 15 minutes before I saved her. And while it may seem like I’m annoyed at some points, I really wasn’t. I found the whole conversation very entertaining. Mr. A didn’t, though. He was very, very serious.

Mr. A comes to my desk.

Mr. A: I got confused on this bi-weekly timesheet, and forgot to add some hours to my last one.

Claire: That’s ok. We’ll get you a new one to fill out, we’ll pay you for those on the next pay cycle, and then you can get back on track. Here, I’ll help you fill it out.

Mr. A: This is complicated. At Safeway, I just clocked in, and out.

Claire: Well, this isn’t that complicated, either. You’ll get used to it. Just write down how many hours you work each day, and get your supervisor to sign.

Mr. A: Well, how do I write down that I worked 4 hours and 39 minutes?

Claire: You need to round to the nearest quarter hour mark. So, write that down as 4.75 hours.

Mr. A: I don’t like that. Why can’t we just write down exactly what time we worked?

Claire: Well, I guess so that it makes it easier on everybody processing payroll. Also, that’s how the payroll system is coded, and that’s the policy of Student Employment. Everyone figures over the long run, things even out.

Mr. A: Sure, but what if I consistently work 5-6 minutes under. Over the course of the quarter that could work out to 30 minutes or so that I don’t get paid for. Or the other way around, what if I DO get paid for 30 minutes that I don’t work?

I do the math, and figure we’re talking about a max of $4.

Claire: - Trying to get things moving- Ok, how many hours did you work on Saturday?

Mr. A: Hmmm. Well….you see. This is where it gets a little complicated. My brother came in to help me. And Dr. G said I could just combine his hours with mine, and I could pay him cash.

Claire: - silence - Um. That’s actually not ok, or legal.

Mr. A gets offended, thinking I’m calling him a liar, and shows me the text message from Dr. G giving him permission.

Claire: I believe you, and we’ll work this out this time, but I’m telling you that Dr. G was wrong to tell you this was ok, and this can’t continue. There are all kinds of liability issues, and employment policies being broken by this, (I'm also thinking of random people let loose in the anatomy lab) and I’m telling you now.

For now, what it comes down to is this: you need to work out with him what he’s willing to pay you, fill out the number of hours you agree on, and have him sign. Then we'll pay.

But no more bringing your brother.

Mr. A goes back to the Anatomy lab, and comes back with a signed timesheet.

Mr. A: You know, this place seems like it makes it really easy for an illegal immigrant to work here.

Claire: What do you mean? We verify all employees.

Mr. A: Yeah, but I brought my brother.

Claire: - silence - Good point. But we’re going to rectify that, aren’t we? And it never should have happened.

Mr. A: But I had approval for that!

Claire: Not from me. Dr. G gave you bad information. And UC Davis didn’t hire your brother. You did.

Mr. A: But nothing stopped me.

Claire: Ok, yes. You cheated the system. Congratulations.

Mr. A: It just seems like, a lot of wink, wink, nudge, nudge, under the table, look the other way stuff is happening.

Claire: I’m sorry. Would you like me to remove the hours for your brother? Seriously trying to figure out which side of this argument he's on.

Mr. A thinks long and hard

Mr. A: Ok, yeah. He erases half his hours

Claire: surprised Really?

Mr. A: Yeah. Otherwise, I won't have backup for my point.

Claire:

Mr. A: There should be a better system.

Claire: Like what?

Mr. A: I don’t know, but it's too easy to just lie about my hours.

Claire: - silence - I don't know what to tell you. You fill out a timesheet, somewhat on the honor system, yes. Your supervisor decides if that seems appropriate time for the work you’ve done, and signs. We pay.

Mr. A: But I could be dishonest!

Claire: Yes.

Mr. A: But it shouldn't be that way!

Claire: What exactly would you have us do? Install video cameras, and then have people watch the footage to make sure you were working the whole time?

Mr. A stares at me, silently.

I stare at Mr. A, silently.

Mr. A: I’m not sure what you want me to say.

Claire: - laughing - I’m just not sure there’s anything we can do for you. I’m not even very clear at this point what you want.

Mr. A stares at me, silently.

I stare at Mr. A, silently.

Mr. A: Well, I shouldn't be able to write down a wrong number.

Claire: We don't live in a police state, Mr. A.

Seriously. Imagine this conversation 6 times as long and convoluted.

Dick, the computer guy

So, Gordon just bought a new computer. It was having some hardware issues, and needed a tech to come out and fix it. One day a guy named Dick shows up at the door.

He and Gordon had a nice chat.

Dick: (gets put on hold while calling Dell to order a new motherboard)
Dick: (seeing rice crackers on table) Don't those taste like sandpaper?
Gordon: I think they're pretty good.
Dick: Well, for me, Rice Krispies are like sandpaper.
Dick: (still looking at the rice crackers) Do you know who invented these?
Gordon: (not sure if he's supposed to laugh or actually answer)
Dick: (apparently Gordon wasn't supposed to do either) Maybe the Chinese.
Dick: Do you know who invented pasta?
Dick: You'd think pasta itali-ano (in imitation of an Italian accent while gesturing in imitation of an Italian gesture) that it'd be from Italy, but actually, it's Chinese.
Dick: But I guess the Italians invented ketchup.
Dick: And do you know who invented the hamburger?
Dick: Germans. From Ham-Burg. Hamburger.
Dick: You'd think the hamburger was American, burger and fries and all.
Dick: But French Fries, those are American.
Dick: They actually eat more calories in Europe than we do here.
Dick: And yet we're the fat ones.
Dick: (points to himself indicating that he's a prime example of a fat American)
Dick: I'm fat, but if you looked at my diet you'd never guess it.
Dick: It's because I have diabetes.
Dick: What is diabetes?
Gordon: (caught off guard that Dick actually pauses as if waiting for an answer) Oh, uh... well...
Dick: (cutting in, not actually waiting for an answer) It's when your body can't control its sugar.
Dick: And if it gets too much sugar because it can't control it, it's got to go somewhere.
Dick: (again indicates his substantial girth)
Dick: I wasn't this big before I got diabetes. So question is, am I diabetic because I'm fat, or am I fat because I'm diabetic?
Dick: I asked my doctor that once, and he said I had a good point.
Dick: Well?
Dick: Sort of a chicken and the egg sort of thing.
Dick: Except, if you ask me which came first, I guess I'd have to say the egg.
Dick: I thought for a second that the wooden block sticking out from that painting was a thermostat.
Dick: You'd think in a place like this they'd go with a single split.
Dick: (actually pauses)
Gordon: What? (immediately worrying that inviting an explanation might not have been such a good idea)
Dick: A single split. Heat pump and air conditioner all in one unit. Why would you have the AC and the heater separate?
Dick: And whose idea was it to put the thermostat right above the heater?
Dick: The installation instructions probably said to make sure to install on the wall on the opposite side of the room.
Dick: Probably another failure to "RTFM."
Dick: Do you know what that stands for?
Dick: (luckily not waiting for an answer)
Dick: Read. The. Freaking. Manual.
Dick: Or there's another word I could use, but not in polite company.

I had to talk to Dick on the phone several times to set up the appointment, and I was glad I didn't have to be there when he came. But I was also glad Gordon was there, so I could hear about this hilarious conversation. Way to take one for the team, Gordon.

Maker Faire

Saturday Gordon and I went to San Mateo to attend Maker Faire. We got to see my friends Clarence and Kendra, which was fun. It's a difficult event to explain. It's put on by MAKE magazine, and showcases people who "make" things. All kinds of things.

We watched a battle between Axis and Allies 1/144 scale combat ships, which shot actual, live rounds of BBs and 1/4 inch ball bearings.
We saw Lego cities.
We saw a robot pulling a chariot.
We saw a guy who would write a poem for you- you choose the price, and the topic.
I overheard a guy say, "I won't be able to die happy until I make my own sword."
We had our body composition tested by a new machine from GE. Not pretty.
We watched a demonstration by the Diet Coke and Mentos guys- 108 bottles.
One guy tried to sell us a homemade laser.
They had solar cars, bikes, and merry-go-rounds.
We watched sparks fly between two Tesla towers (one million volts).
And I got hit by a motorized muffin.

As we parked the car, and walked toward the event, Gordon said, "I hope we see some steampunk." No worries. We saw some within 3 minutes, and never stopped.

I'm so lucky.

Gordon and I made a tough decision to move into a very small apartment. There is not a lot of room for excess furniture that would supply horizontal surfaces. But I have a lot of pottery, and there was some mystery about what we were going to do with it all.
Turns out there's a little jog in the wall in one corner of our living room, due to the remodel our landlord did years back.
Wouldn't it be great if we had a shelf that would utilize that space? On which to place all my pottery?
Oh, what's that, Gordon? You'll build me one??



Isn't it beautiful?

(Note: Not its final resting spot)

Claire

1. During 4 months in the summer of 1987, our family lived outside on the property where we were building our house. We had our choice of sleeping in a tent, on the trampoline, in a treehouse, or in a hammock. It was the best 4 months of my life.

2. In fourth grade I needed glasses. I didn't want to tell anyone I needed glasses, though. So I brought the cheap binoculars that were the toy in the Cocoa Crispies cereal box to school to see the chalkboard from the back of the classroom. No one caught me the entire school year.

3. I once had a dream that I changed my name to Shaegan George, after the uppity desk clerk wouldn't let me change it to Clara Weiss because it was too German.

4. When I was 11 my sister Sarah stole my chapstick. She claimed it was hers. We held court. Beth was Sarah's lawyer. Carrie was my lawyer. Dad was the judge.

5. I have a very vivid memory of riding with my mom in our old VW Beetle, around the age of 4-5, standing up in the front seat, dancing (seatbelts were optional then), while singing Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It" at the top of my lungs.

6. My mother told me when I was young that it was illegal for old ladies to have long hair. For many years I believed this, and looked with a certain degree of respect on the few gray haired women I saw flouting the law.

7. In college I went on a hike (Bishop's Peak for you SLO folk). Partway up the mountain, I decided to leave the trail and head straight up to the top (just to the left of the P-wall). It was one of the stupidest decisions I have ever made in my life. I could have EASILY died about six times. One of those times the only thing standing between me and death was a small plant of poison oak I was gripping with all my strength. The hike usually takes about an hour. That day it took me about five.

8. I used to have an allergic reaction to poison oak as a child. I no longer do.

9. I absolutely hate the fact that, as a human, I have to pee.

10.During high school I worked at a laundromat/dry cleaner's. One Saturday I was really bored, and decided to light a kleenex on fire on the space heater coils. Apparently, burning kleenex smells really, really bad. My boss showed up 15 minutes later. He never said anything. I've always wondered if he didn't notice the smell, or if he thought he was better off not knowing.

11. I prefer Miracle Whip to mayonnaise.

12. I knocked out my front tooth when I was about two years old when I fell down a ladder.

13. During my junior year of high school, I burned my eyebrows off during a Raku firing accident.

14. I took an auto class in high school. My math skills made me the "alignment" go-to girl. Fractions, angles, and all that. At least, that's what I tell myself. Probably all the other guys hated alignments.

15. When I was nine, I thought 'Gremlins' was an hilarious movie. I forced the rest of my family to sit through it, and couldn't understand why no one else was laughing.

16. In college I had a pet beta fish that once survived without food for 3 weeks when I went home for Winter break. Then he later survived going down my garbage disposal. He was tough.

17. I spent about 45 minutes in the back of a police truck driving around downtown Guatemala City in March 2008.

18. Our family once held a spelling bee to settle some ugly smack talk amongst the Ashby sisters. I did win.

19. One sister calls me the Oracle. One sister calls me Hot Lips. One sister calls me the Fixer.

20. I love orange juice.

21. I am a huge fan of Tom Waits. He rarely, and I mean rarely, tours. I passed up a chance to buy Tom Waits concert tickets last year, because he wasn't coming to my state. That decision easily passes up the hiking decision in the 'stupid' category.

22. I hate shopping for clothes, shoes, jewelry, and home furnishings. I love shopping for electronics, music, groceries, and almost all drug store items (shampoo, toothpaste, lotion, garbage bags, laundry detergent, etc).

23. I like trees. A lot.

24. When I was 8 I owned a pair of finches named Jack and Lili. I kept them in a cage outside. In the morning I would open the cage, and they would fly out. In the evening they would fly back in, and I would shut them in for the night. Finally, after a couple months, they didn't come back.

25. I can't whistle.

Another Work Conversation

Once, after regaling Vivian with another story of a nutty coworker, Vivian said, "Claire- you are always working with crazies!"

I thought maybe I was just reading into the antics of my coworkers too much, and that they must be fairly average. But after a number of years, I now believe that they really are crazies, and I will work with them for the rest of my life.

I currently work with Lisa. She has a very interesting personal history. She also seems to have no sense of what is going on around her. She will forget people that work in our department five minutes after talking to them (Do I know you?). Say things about her coworkers that are not true, right in front of them (Claire always eats her daily cookie at 11:30 in the morning!). Does not remember conversations, even repeated ones, for more than....well, sometimes 2 minutes (People always expect me to know what they're talking about...)

So, today- a guy named Mark came into our office, went and glanced in my boss Angela's office, and came back to have this conversation with Lisa:

(Lisa's voice in bold)

Is Angela in today?
Looking for Adam?
Angela.
Adam's not around.
Is Angela in?
I'm sorry, who?
Angela.
Are you looking for Adam? Or Angela?
...Angela.
Is she in her office?
No.
Then she's not in her office.
...
But she is in today.


It's exhausting to listen to, sometimes...

South Dakota Trips Tatistics

Places Visited:
-4 National Historic Landmarks: The Mammoth Site, Deadwood, Gordon Stockade, Center of the USA
-2 National Parks: Wind Cave, Badlands
-2 National Monuments: Crazy Horse, Jewel Cave
-1 National Forest: Black Hills
-1 National Memorial: Mt Rushmore
-1 State Park: Custer
-1 Experimental Forest: ?
-1 world's largest rocking chair
-2 of the world's longest caves (#2 and #4)
-3 old west graveyards
-10 historic tunnels and bridges
-30 abandoned old cabins

Wild animals seen:
-3 turkeys, 3 burro, 15 mountain goats, 40 antelope, 150 deer, 200 buffalo, and 20,000 prairie dogs
-Things we mistook for buffalo: rocks, roadsigns, cows
-Animal we're most afraid of, even though it's extinct: short-faced bear

Annoying thing about SD: the entire state shuts down Sept-May.
Cool thing about SD in March: you have the entire state to yourself.
-# of "closed for the season" signs: 90
-# of businesses open in the town of Keystone: 2? a hotel and maybe a store.
-# of evenings we did anything outside our hotel: 0
-# of books read: 4.5
-# of times we ate out: 1
-average # of people we interacted with each day: .85

Best Purchases: cowboy hat, sarsaparillas, a buffalo burger, a leotard, and a camera cord
-# of camera cords in all the stores of Custer: 1
-Grossest Purchase: microwaveable pork rinds

Other good moments:
-Meeting up in Denver airport for 30 minutes before getting on separate flights again
-Singing along to "Bad Romance", "Party in the USA", "Glory Bound" and the Glee soundtrack (which we found in the rental car) whenever we were driving
-Talking to an old cowboy that we asked for directions. He managed to use "gals" "shootin' iron" and "injun" all in one sentence.
-Eating lunch in a dilapidated old log cabin we discovered along a hiking trail
-Claire eavesdropping on 5 guys for 40 minutes trying to figure out if they're Mormon
-Taking videos of us squeezing through the spelunking test
-Claire getting stopped in the airport because of her liquor bottle filled with suspicious dirt

# of miles driven: 800

Claire Photo Update

Thought I’d share some pictures of what I’ve been up to lately-

Some friends and I got together for a party, where we put a New York Times crossword puzzle on a sheet cake, then solved it.


It was really fun, and a little difficult to keep everything straight when working with a group.


But we finished it, and it was awesome.


Then we got to eat it! Too bad every crossword puzzle doesn’t end that way. Maybe I should email Will Shortz.


After that, we popped in an old VHS tape of Face Aerobics, which was hilarious. I fully plan on bringing this to the next beach trip.


Last weekend, I went to the snow with a group of friends. I decided, instead of sledding, I wanted to build a snow fort/igloo. I could only convince one friend this was a good idea.

But pretty soon, as the walls got to about waist height, more people got interested.


We worked on it for a couple hours.

And finally resorted to branches, for support, to complete the roof (because we were ready to go home).


It was pretty spacious inside. I wish I could go back now and check out how it’s holding up.


Finally, this week, I was able to mount the rastored art Rachel gave me for Christmas.


Looks pretty good, no?

Wizard of Oz

At work today, a couple of my coworkers were having a conversation about six feet away from me. I'm not sure what it was about, because mostly I was ignoring them. Then I heard:

Coworker#1, as she clicks her heels together: "What's that line that Dorothy says in The Wizard of Oz?"
Coworker#2: "Hmmm...'Oh, I wish I was in Kansas'."
Me: "There's no place like home." (incredulously)
Coworker#2: "Take me back to Kansas?"
Me: "There's no place like home!"
Coworker#2: "This doesn't look like Kansas?"
Me: "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!"
Coworker#2: "Yeah...maybe it was something like that."



Work might kill me.