so i put on a pair of scrubs that i never wear and jack says, "hey! yous has pants just like carrie!"
that is not the funny part of this story.
that comes a few hours later, when i get up for colin's first up in the night, around 1am. once his squawking has penetrated my sleep-deprived brain, and i have registered where i am and what it is that the noise is telling me to do, i get up to go to the bathroom. i have a few rules for this stage of mothering. one is to get dressed and fix your hair every day, no matter what. another is to never change a diaper BEFORE you feed them, they are just going to poo again, and so on. i could write a book. so one of the rules is to go to the bathroom BEFORE you start to nurse a baby in the night, because there is nothing worse (i realize that this is an exaggeration) than having to go really bad for 15 min while you sit and feed a baby.
so i go into the bathroom. here is the problem:
i did a crossover and pull part of a knot and then the bow part when i tied the scrubs. does this mean anything to you guys? you know how the first part of the tying in scrubs is done for you, apparently, and all you have to do is the last, or bow part? how if you do the crossover part first, you are in fact, tying a knot and will never get your pants down again? now after i realized the state of my pants, namely knotted tight, i thought i might still have a chance, seeing as how scrubs are pretty loose. so i tried to just slide them down without untying the knot. my post-partum hips were having none of that, so i just succeeded in cranking down tighter on the knot. between very low light, sleepy eyes and fingers, and a bit of a left-over belly so i couldn't exactly SEE the accursed knot, i was sure that i was going to have to pee my pants (and thus breaking another steadfast rule that i have). so my next brilliant tactic was to just stand there, half asleep (except that i had to go pretty bad), with my eyes closed, and wait for the NEXT brilliant tactic to occur to me.
this post is already much adieu about nothing, so lets just say everything ended up fine.
but it is down-right silly how long i stood there.
i just think a short "how to" should be given with each pair of scrubs. what, do they think EVERYONE who wears them is smarter than average? hhhmmm?
don't answer that.
man, Beth, you really are funny lately. I knew it was the sleep deprivation. I like how you pointed out that you were exaggerating because you didn't want to hear about it from us.
ReplyDeleteand, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I don't think the first part of a knot is done for you in scrubs. I think you just knotted yourself into the scrubs, and blaming the clothes is not going to help you get closer to solving your problems. if you know what i mean.
finally, you can't just leave on a cliffhanger like that! what did you do? are you still wearing the scrubs?
Oh man, that's quite a predicament. I hope it ended well!
ReplyDelete"that is not the funny part of the story..." i read this story to eric, who stopped me 1/2 way thru and said, "is this the funny part yet?"
ReplyDelete