Scary Movie 5

Heaven in a Howard Johnson's

6:40pm- drop Chris and Lucy off at the Gregory's. Drive away by myself. All alone. Without anyone else in the car.

6:52pm- I have the Howard Johnson's in sight. By now I'm so excited, I have to work to keep from running the light at N. Temple/300 West.

6:58pm- room key in hand, I'm literally running to room 114. I open the door into one of the best presents I've ever received: Alone Time.

7:05-7:40pm- Bath time. Quiet. Till my feet are wrinkly and I'm warmed through.

7:45pm- unpack my bag and strew the contents over my glorious king sized bed:
1 bag Lay's Salt and Vinegar potato chips
1 package Lindt chocolate balls, mixed variety.
4 ginger snaps
1 Izzy carbonated beverage, blackberry flavor
1 People magazine, Best of 2009 edition
1 orange
1 novel 'The Book of Lost Things'

8:02pm- make my first of many rounds of the cable TV viewing options. Pause briefly to admire Johnny Depp in some variety of the Pirates of the Caribbean. Decide POTC is NOT worthy of this night.

8:13pm- call Claire. Revel.

8:19-9:30- read People magazine. Eat chips and chocolate balls till my lips start to hurt. Real bad.

9:45pm- realize I've left the toothpaste at home. Try unsuccesfully to rinse salt/vinegar/chocolate film from teeth.

9:50pm- talk to Claire again; she convinces my it will be worth it to get dressed and trek back across the frozen parking lot for some complimentary toothpaste.

9:55pm- get dressed and trek across frozen parking lot.

10:00pm- brush teeth, twice and make one more tour around cable TV. Get out book.

10:30pm- realize that my dream of staying up until 3am is dying a rapid death. Fall asleep.

5:35am- wake up, look at clock, realize that approximately 16 blocks away, Theo has just woken up. Feel warm and happy inside as I fall back asleep.

8:30am- awake better rested than I can ever remember being since Lucy was born. Think fond thoughts of my mother. Read in bed.

10:00am- head for home, happy with the world, determined to be a better wife and mother, knowing I will always have a special spot in my heart for the SLC Howard Johnson hotel. And for my mother, who believed me when i told her what I wanted for Christmas.

No, Elf YOUR self.

Um. It's that time of year again.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Hair Today

Vivian took this lovely photo of Theo over Thanksgiving. It's a beautiful picture- focused and framed well. She caught the mischievous, screamer aspect of his personality as well as the rakish angle of his ears and still managed to make him look like a little gentleman.

However. However, something bothered me about the picture. It was just wrong somehow. I kept going back to it, trying to figure it out. Was it because he was wearing clothes? Was his head too small? His vest too sweatery? And then I realized what the problem was...Beth had gotten to him. Beth had gotten to him and washed his hair! His hair was too...flat. You see, after reading this article, I decided to experiment on Theo. And now, while I wash Theo regularly, I almost never shampoo his hair, which gives it the more, um, textured look you can see in the picture to the right.

Of course, if you let it go too far, he ends up looking like Rob Pattinson:

So, it's a fine line, I suppose.

Lucy likes...

i like my mom.

i like dad.

i like my Theo.

i like my cat.

Here I am dancing:

Soccer Daze

We started our career as soccer parents today, and it went about like you'd expect. At first I was optimistic, because we have two kids named Jorge on the team and I thought that the other team might just forfeit straight out from fear. But, it turns out that the rest of the kids on our team are a bunch of Mormons (how did we get randomly placed with all the Mormons? How did they know?) named things like Fisher and Brooklyn and...Lucy.

I had a little chat with Lucy before the game, explaining important soccer concepts like the far post, and the positions. I may have explained the positions a little too well, because during the first quarter Lucy's position ranged approximately one square foot. During the second quarter the coach explained that she actually was allowed to run, and moved her up to offense. This meant that there was a scrum of boys and Lucy, literally flitting along behind, arms held out from her body, elbows slightly bent and fingers fluttering rhythmically in the breeze as she skipped after the pack.

I had promised myself I would not scream instructions from the sidelines, but one time when Lucy was facing me, ignoring the action and doing some elaborate sign language about 'what are we having for lunch' that I had to yell "Look! The ball is COMING!" I think that was reasonable, don't you?

You Know It's Christmas in Puerto Rico When...

1. You have to keep the advent calendar in the fridge, otherwise the little chocolate candies melt.

2. The local pool offers "Swimming With Santa!" Friday, 1-6pm

3. The work holiday party last for 6 hours and involves roasting an entire pig.

4. The panhandlers at the intersections are wearing Santa hats.

5. You give the December visiting teaching message while hanging out in the pool with the ladies.

6. Toys R Us, the only toy store on the island, starts opening at 6am.

7. You go to Toys R Us, which thing you had never before considered.

8. While looking for parking at Toys R Us at 8am, you are also searching desperately for a shady spot.

9. Lucy is suspicious of the Santa at the ward party because you can see flip flops under his boots.

A Blog from Lucy

I had some questions so I asked Google.

Real Google answers:

How does Santa fly his reindeer?

the reindeer are able to fly due to the sheer joy that they and Santa feel knowing that children all around the world have received their presents.

Why does my Mom talk on the phone so much?

Remember God said honor your mother and father. Are parents always right? no. But remember you really do love her despite all the ugly things she may be doing.

What's wrong with my baby brother?

maybe he has had too much sugar....or he's on drugs

very pregnant

so....
i got the kids as ready as i could very pregnant go to ward counsel sat in sacrament with 3 8/9 kids (one was not mine) on my lap two of them not feeling well (read:whiny and floppy) take jack out 2 times b/c we are potty training very pregnant get a dvd player 25 copies of hand-out at library 2 picture stands get stuff for lesson out of car take jack to the bathroom in nursery very pregnant eat something before i pass out set up rs room by myself b/c i am the only member of the presidency around write out announcements very pregnant meet visitors jack has a dirty diaper must have missed the other 8 times we went tim comes for keys he and the sick kids are going home teach lesson very pregnant get jack from nursery after returning stuff to library very pregnant go to choir practice try to sing with hungry/sleepy jack on my lap haul my stuff to car drive home help tim figure out how to clean up mercury (broken thermometer) off the floor very pregnant call carrie/look it up online says something like "call haz-mat" and "evacuate children and pregnant women" make dinner (3:30pm) put jack to bed go visiting teaching very pregnant darcy homework sydney/eric crazy rolling oranges tim gets a phone call from a boy to come give him a blessing (he was home alone (11 yrs old) and he felt sick - cute!) tim makes popcorn and it explodes all over we all laugh hard sydney makes chocolate pudding very pregnant broken christmas ornaments more potty training exploits scriptures very pregnant prayer kids in ...
bed.

why does my stomach hurt?

(by beth)

Passivo-Aggressivo?

Theo was in the hospital for 2 days with RSV- a respiratory virus that is hard on young kids. It gave me some time to ponder a multitude of things:

- Two doctors can be in denial for a long time when it comes to their own kid. By the time we actually went to the ER, he was breathing about 60 times/minute and using all of his accessory chest and abdominal muscles to do it. Whoops.

- There is no good way to introduce the fact that you are a physician to the nurses and doctor who are taking care of your kid, especially when your Spanish is limited. No matter what, it sounds like you are shouting "Soy medico!" and pounding on your chest.

- Puerto Rican hospitals are freezing. Really, really cold, and there are no complimentary blankets. I guess the theory is that if you keep the place at about 50 degrees F, it will inhibit the growth of mold and bacteria. It also inhibits your patients from getting out from under the covers to complain about stuff. I'm not exaggerating about this. One night I was running in place to keep warm and my roommate (there were 3 patients to a room) saw me and loaned me her extra hat, scarf and gloves.

- Even though it's crazy cold, there are no blankets included, so Chris had to run home to get some for us. He brought two back for Theo and one for me, which sounds like enough but it actually wasn't. So I ended up sleeping in the crib with Theo, which was surprisingly comfy. Chris says they used to make fun of the Moms who did that. Doctors are so mean.

- I also had to pay, in cash, for TV privileges. Which got the TV turned on, but I think I was supposed to bribe someone to get the volume restriction removed (my roommates had clearly worked around it somehow). So after Theo went to sleep, I would stand on the chair so my ear would be right up next to the speaker. Then during commercials I would jump down and run in place, because standing on the chair put me right up by the air conditioner vent. I'm pretty sure they all thought I was completely crazy.

- I'm also pretty sure the nurses hated me. Doctors and nurses don't like taking care of doctors, so at first I was really trying hard to be agreeable. I didn't make a fuss when they used two separate pokes to draw blood and start an IV (you can do it with one). I held Theo down so they could run a test for H1N1, even though I am 100% sure that he already had it 2 months ago. I acted apologetic when I asked to review his lab results, and snuck off to look at his chest xray so I wouldn't seem presumptuous. But then we spent our first night and they started wanting me to wake Theo up for ridiculous stuff. At 2 am they wanted to give him some Tylenol when he wasn't febrile or in pain. At 3:30 am they wanted to give him a cough supressant when he hadn't been coughing. And at 4 they wanted me to wake him up to take an antacid. I was kind of embarrassed that i'd already said no twice at that point, so I took the syringe of medication from the nurse, turned my back to her so she couldn't see, bent over Theo and squirted the med onto the blanket next to his mouth. Then I rearranged the blanket, so the wet spot was by his feet. How do you say 'passive aggressive' in Spanish?

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