A Grouse About Turkey

It’s January 22nd and I’m cooking a turkey for no particular reason. I didn’t even buy this turkey; some buy turkeys and others have turkeys thrust upon them. I’m doing it as a favor for Connie, and I ought to have a better attitude, as Connie is well past 70 and has recently been dealing with breast cancer. Someone else thought they were doing Connie a favor when they gave her this turkey, but the oven in the retirement community where she lives is too small and it has been taking up all of her freezer space since November. 

What can you say when you ask “Is there anything we can do for you?” and the response is “Please cook my turkey.” So I’m cooking a turkey, but I’m not happy about it. Maybe I’m not happy because Connie only wants “some of the meat” back, which means I’m going to have to carve and debone this turkey. Maybe I’m not happy because Connie has two grown sons who live in town who almost certainly have ovens. Maybe I’m not happy because the turkey neck had been shoved so far up into the abdominal cavity that I literally had to get out pliers and stabilize the turkey by clutching it to my chest to get enough purchase to pull that thing out of there, and then I was covered in turkey slime and had to go change my clothes and wipe up the floor. Maybe I’m not happy because I’m kind of a selfish jerk who should just get over it and stop complaining about the minor inconvenience of cooking someone else’s turkey. 

On my better days, this kind of thing is exactly why I go to church. If left to my own devices I would probably find some way to serve...occasionally. I would volunteer at the food bank, or maybe go back to volunteering at the library, where I didn’t have to talk to anyone and where I never ended the day with my cats sniffing at the stains on my forearm. I would help out, for sure. But I suspect there would often be other things to do on any given day. I suspect that my volunteerism would rarely be uncomfortable for me, or involve any actual sacrifice. I’d hang out almost entirely with people who have my sense of humor and whose voting record rather conveniently matches mine exactly. Church throws me into a mix. It makes me do nice things for OTHER people, possibly people I don’t even like very much. And, It makes me cook turkeys, which I definitely don’t like very much. On my better days, church makes me a better person.

But I guess that today isn’t one of my better days. It makes me wonder, in the overall accounting of my life do I get more points because I did this even though I didn’t want to? Or way fewer points because I complained about it the whole time? Have I just become spoiled, so that any minor inconvenience is cause for complaint? (probably). I believe in cleaning when you’ve helped make the mess. I believe in shoveling your elderly neighbor’s driveway. I believe in connecting with people who aren’t just like me. Theoretically I believe in cooking turkeys for breast cancer survivors, and maybe someday I’ll even be glad to do it. But today is not that day. Today I’ve got a turkey in the oven and no thanksgiving in my heart. Maybe I’ll do better tomorrow.

Where did it all go wrong?

At 3:00pm MST on December 27th, the Rees Family was snuggled together at the Gregory house in Fort Collins, CO, cozy by a fire, under blankets, eating Christmas snacks. 13 hours later, at 3:00am PST, we were huddled with our luggage in the bike lane of a foggy, empty street waiting for a man we'd never met before- Hal losing his ability to speak, and Mae unable to walk smoothly.

It started out ok. We drove to the Denver airport. Got there on time. Got through security without issue. Found our gate. Flight boarded when it was supposed to. We had a little delay due to a mechanical issue, but soon we were in the air, on our way to the San Luis Obispo airport. I was thinking my kids might be tired by the time we got home that night, because it'd be an hour later than when they'd been going to bed. But things were going smoothly. Our friend Dallan was planning on picking us up to drive us home.

At around 9:28pm, just 10 minutes away from our destination, the pilot comes on to tell us that because of low visibility, we're diverting to LAX. LAX!! The whole plane couldn't believe what was happening, and I felt bad for the flight attendants fielding all the panicked questions. "Did they even CHECK Santa Maria airport?" "This has never happened to me!" "Are they going to put us up in hotels?" "Los Angeles? They're just abandoning us in Los Angeles?"

We land in LA just after 10:00pm, but have to sit in the plane on the tarmac for an open gate. Finally, we begin deboarding at 10:45, and the kids and I wearily make our way to baggage claim with the rest of the pilgrims, as Gordon bravely finds a customer service rep to discuss options. We think maybe they'll comp a rental car, and we'll drive home late. Or they'll rebook us for the next day, and put us up at a hotel.

Instead, they announce that they've provided two buses to get everyone up to San Luis Obispo. At this point, I'm realizing we'll be getting to the SLO airport at an hour when no public transportation will be running, all of our friends will be asleep, the taxi service is practically non-existent, and what few Uber/Lyft options there are will be highly overtaxed. United Airlines obviously does not care about this, though. They said they'd get us to SLO airport, so they'll get us to SLO airport. We thought about renting a car on our own, but there were none available that we could find.

So, we join the huddled masses outside LAX waiting for a bus, and finally get on the road after midnight. Tired, wired, and wondering if we'll be spending a few hours on the other end waiting for things to start waking up. The kids are a little wide-eyed, and unsure about the future, but so far have good attitudes.

We consider all kinds of options. We think maybe we could talk someone into getting into our house with a spare key, getting our car key, and driving our car down to be waiting for us. But we can only think of a few people we could ask, and one set has a baby at home, one set happens to be on a basketball trip to Bakersfield, and one set has a really early morning planned the next day, and we just didn't feel like we could ask more of them. So, we decide to just head for SLO and figure it out as we go.

However, the entire group of passengers starts to get antsy at 1:45 when the bus inexplicable pulls over a little north of Goleta, and the bus driver gets off for a few minutes. He finally gets back on and keeps driving, but everyone was on edge, wondering of the bus was having mechanical issues, and we were going to have to wait for another bus to come get us. (To entertain myself, I was inventing plotlines, like he was collecting a shipment of drugs)

The good news is that Gordon is quick on the Uber uptake, and reserves us a ride before options disappear. The bad news is that the fog starts to thicken, slowing our progress, and we start to get nervous anew about how long this will actually take.

But we pull up at the airport at 3:22 (Hal and I have not slept a wink), grab our bags, and head for where we're supposed to meet our Uber, which happens to be just outside airport grounds (Uber wouldn't let us select anywhere on the grounds). Mae can barely get her legs to work because she's still half asleep, and Hal looks like he's coming off a heroin high. 

Turns out the driver assumed we meant to be picked up at the airport, on not on the side of some random road, so Gordon and I load up all our luggage, and we prod the kids back across the street and back to the airport. We get in a very nice car, driven by a very nice man, and spend the last 30 minutes of our long journey listening to soothing Christmas music in Arabic.

The last of us drift off to sleep around 5:00am PST (6:00am MST), and I don't think any of us have ever been happier to be in our own home before. The kids were real troopers, though, and in the light of a new day, see it as an adventure, but one they never want to repeat.

Deep Dark Blue

 deep dark blue

A poem by Mae Rees

Stingrays 

Ready to play 

Mariana Trench in reach

The screams of your drowning friends

Rock formations collapsing behind you 

Storms crashing in the waves 

So vast, too hard to get out.

Not so nice down low.

Christmas 2024 (or, Cheeses for Jesus)

It was a good Christmas all around. Dad mailed out 36 pounds of cheese. Sarah went to SLC to visit Rachel and Mom. The Reeses came to Colorado. Beth had hip surgery, and Vivian's tennis team won regionals or something. Lucy fell down while delivering ninja Christmas gifts, which usually would be the worst thing that happened, but might have been beaten by us having to take back cookies from a stranger and then getting 911 called on Theo. Sydney, Mom, Sarah and Rachel demolished the Leaning Shed with a crowbar. Gwen made everyone cry with a beautiful piano piece. Eric was home from his mission and did a lot of swing dancing. Darcy and Christopher had a Major Announcement. Jackson possibly got the best present. Merry Christmas everyone! 

 

Thanksgiving 2024

It started when Viv and I had the whole week off and decided to go to Sequoia National Park. But then we thought, "the Rees family likes Sequoia," so we invited them. But then there were three of us getting together just an hour from home, and wouldn't it be fun to have Beth and Sarah stop in? And if we're all at the Airbnb when Mom and Rachel fly in, well, they should obviously come up. Just like that, we had 20 people in the little cabin and it was clear that Thanksgiving was going to be a party.

Other notable moments:

- touring the Greek Orthodox monastery. When we drove up to the imposing iron gates, Gordon bravely pushed the call button and asked, "Are you open to the public?" A pause, and then a voice came from on high:

Who are you?

Another pause, while Gordon examined his soul for the answer, finally replying:

I'm Gordon Rees.

And the gates slowly opened for us.

- at the same monastery, we were all on our best behavior until Eric gave Beth a heart attack when he reached up and grabbed the gigantic golden chandelier and gave it a big swing. Her whole assessment of his character and her success as a parent was momentarily in question until the tiny nun stepped out from behind him, and Beth realized that Eric had only been following instructions.

- it was rainy, so Sydney led a round of DND, lots of FIFA was played, and hot sauce taste testing was a success. We did brave a couple of misty, drippy hikes among the grandeur of those amazing trees.

- we played hot potato dares

- we had 'easy favorite things' dinner

- Chris hiked from barn road to the bridge formerly known as Squaw Leap. It really didn't take him that long

- Sarah fixed an age-old problem by just going to the store and buying more measuring cups

- we made 22 pies. New ones included spumoni, persimmon, and rhubarb custard. 

- Beth took a lot of the boys back to her house and made all of Theo's dreams come true at a fruit stand

- All of a sudden we have enough good volleyball players to play 6 v 6.

- We painted half bananas, because Beth is good at woodworking and Vivian is funny

- Basically, everyone got enough to eat and nobody cried (much). Happy times 

2019-2024 Wrap UP

Well, I'm trying to publish the Woodpile book for this season and suddenly there's too much to include. Like Thanksgiving 2023, where the Thomases didn't come and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. Or when we made this painting recreation, or started Slytherins for Jesus. And when Theo dislocated his elbow. And we all went to see Dad for his birthday and ate a lot of cheese, and snuck Rachel into an Airbnb. And then Mom moved to Utah with Rachel to go on a mission for the church. And, and...

Well, I've done what I could.

Bad Idea vs. Good Idea

Playing the game Wavelengths, we decide to match categories to family members

- 85% smooth (rough vs smooth): Preston

- Nice animal vs. Scary Animal: Vivian. "The only time I've ever screamed in my own home was when Vivian appeared outside my window in a squirrel suit" -Gordon

- Replaceable vs Irreplaceable: Carrie

        - "well they tried to replace her 5 times" -Vivian

        - "but who would have married Chris?" -Beth

        - "Carrie is mostly irreplaceable" - Claire. "That should go on her tombstone."

War-like vs Peaceful: Jackson

        Gwen: "I pick fights all the time because I'm snarky" 
        Preston: "I haven't seen it"

Bad influence vs Good Influence: Carrie

        Rachel to Lucy: "How many times have you had to confess to your bishop something that your mom made you do?"

        Theo and Lucy: "In our family she's the voice of reason" 
        Everyone: "WHAT?" 
        Carrie: "It's true and I hate it so much!"

Flavorful vs Flavorless: Christopher, being tactful, chooses himself

Easy to Use vs Not Easy to Use:  Colin. His siblings say easy to use,  but others disagree. Later, they ask him to get an otter pop and he says no

Plain vs Fancy

        "I don't know, I'm seeing a lot of graphic tees" - Preston. "I wear them too but I buy mine new.”