At work today, a couple of my coworkers were having a conversation about six feet away from me. I'm not sure what it was about, because mostly I was ignoring them. Then I heard:
Coworker#1, as she clicks her heels together: "What's that line that Dorothy says in The Wizard of Oz?"
Coworker#2: "Hmmm...'Oh, I wish I was in Kansas'."
Me: "There's no place like home." (incredulously)
Coworker#2: "Take me back to Kansas?"
Me: "There's no place like home!"
Coworker#2: "This doesn't look like Kansas?"
Me: "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!"
Coworker#2: "Yeah...maybe it was something like that."
Work might kill me.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Give me a FI! Give me an AS! Give me a CO!
For those of you who don't know, Rachel started her illustrious soccer career on a team called the Mad Fiascos. In the time honored tradition of Ashby soccer news flashes, I thought I would share Chris's live blog of Lucy's game:
4:45- Hector is killing us.
4:47- Hector 2 Us 0
4:52- Ellie playing tough.
4:54- Which one is Fisher?
4:55- Nevermind, I just worked it out- #6
5:02- Beautiful L footed goal by Fisher, signs of life
5:06- Jorge too tired to play, man down
5:07- Coach: OK, let's hustle. Lucy immediately sits down on grass.
5:09- Hector just netted 3rd or 4th
5:10- Hector 3, us 0
5:14- Kevin- master of kicking ball long way in wrong direction. Lucy-mistress of facing wrong direction.
5:15- You know who's useless? Jorge, that's who
5:19- Fisher askng for transfer to different team, Jorge asking to come out, Lucy at risk of getting overgrown by grass.
5:20- Jorge refusing to enter game- man down again.
5:21- Complete breakdown on back line. 4-1
5:23- Pinning all soccer hopes in family on theo- btw, just realized there's 2 Jorges- useless Jorge is the more tubby one.
5:24- Final whistle, Jorge asking for snack.
5:25- Can we adopt Fisher? think he would be good influence on Theo.
4:45- Hector is killing us.
4:47- Hector 2 Us 0
4:52- Ellie playing tough.
4:54- Which one is Fisher?
4:55- Nevermind, I just worked it out- #6
5:02- Beautiful L footed goal by Fisher, signs of life
5:06- Jorge too tired to play, man down
5:07- Coach: OK, let's hustle. Lucy immediately sits down on grass.
5:09- Hector just netted 3rd or 4th
5:10- Hector 3, us 0
5:14- Kevin- master of kicking ball long way in wrong direction. Lucy-mistress of facing wrong direction.
5:15- You know who's useless? Jorge, that's who
5:19- Fisher askng for transfer to different team, Jorge asking to come out, Lucy at risk of getting overgrown by grass.
5:20- Jorge refusing to enter game- man down again.
5:21- Complete breakdown on back line. 4-1
5:23- Pinning all soccer hopes in family on theo- btw, just realized there's 2 Jorges- useless Jorge is the more tubby one.
5:24- Final whistle, Jorge asking for snack.
5:25- Can we adopt Fisher? think he would be good influence on Theo.
Monday, January 18, 2010
did everyone else know this?
so i put on a pair of scrubs that i never wear and jack says, "hey! yous has pants just like carrie!"
that is not the funny part of this story.
that comes a few hours later, when i get up for colin's first up in the night, around 1am. once his squawking has penetrated my sleep-deprived brain, and i have registered where i am and what it is that the noise is telling me to do, i get up to go to the bathroom. i have a few rules for this stage of mothering. one is to get dressed and fix your hair every day, no matter what. another is to never change a diaper BEFORE you feed them, they are just going to poo again, and so on. i could write a book. so one of the rules is to go to the bathroom BEFORE you start to nurse a baby in the night, because there is nothing worse (i realize that this is an exaggeration) than having to go really bad for 15 min while you sit and feed a baby.
so i go into the bathroom. here is the problem:
i did a crossover and pull part of a knot and then the bow part when i tied the scrubs. does this mean anything to you guys? you know how the first part of the tying in scrubs is done for you, apparently, and all you have to do is the last, or bow part? how if you do the crossover part first, you are in fact, tying a knot and will never get your pants down again? now after i realized the state of my pants, namely knotted tight, i thought i might still have a chance, seeing as how scrubs are pretty loose. so i tried to just slide them down without untying the knot. my post-partum hips were having none of that, so i just succeeded in cranking down tighter on the knot. between very low light, sleepy eyes and fingers, and a bit of a left-over belly so i couldn't exactly SEE the accursed knot, i was sure that i was going to have to pee my pants (and thus breaking another steadfast rule that i have). so my next brilliant tactic was to just stand there, half asleep (except that i had to go pretty bad), with my eyes closed, and wait for the NEXT brilliant tactic to occur to me.
this post is already much adieu about nothing, so lets just say everything ended up fine.
but it is down-right silly how long i stood there.
i just think a short "how to" should be given with each pair of scrubs. what, do they think EVERYONE who wears them is smarter than average? hhhmmm?
don't answer that.
that is not the funny part of this story.
that comes a few hours later, when i get up for colin's first up in the night, around 1am. once his squawking has penetrated my sleep-deprived brain, and i have registered where i am and what it is that the noise is telling me to do, i get up to go to the bathroom. i have a few rules for this stage of mothering. one is to get dressed and fix your hair every day, no matter what. another is to never change a diaper BEFORE you feed them, they are just going to poo again, and so on. i could write a book. so one of the rules is to go to the bathroom BEFORE you start to nurse a baby in the night, because there is nothing worse (i realize that this is an exaggeration) than having to go really bad for 15 min while you sit and feed a baby.
so i go into the bathroom. here is the problem:
i did a crossover and pull part of a knot and then the bow part when i tied the scrubs. does this mean anything to you guys? you know how the first part of the tying in scrubs is done for you, apparently, and all you have to do is the last, or bow part? how if you do the crossover part first, you are in fact, tying a knot and will never get your pants down again? now after i realized the state of my pants, namely knotted tight, i thought i might still have a chance, seeing as how scrubs are pretty loose. so i tried to just slide them down without untying the knot. my post-partum hips were having none of that, so i just succeeded in cranking down tighter on the knot. between very low light, sleepy eyes and fingers, and a bit of a left-over belly so i couldn't exactly SEE the accursed knot, i was sure that i was going to have to pee my pants (and thus breaking another steadfast rule that i have). so my next brilliant tactic was to just stand there, half asleep (except that i had to go pretty bad), with my eyes closed, and wait for the NEXT brilliant tactic to occur to me.
this post is already much adieu about nothing, so lets just say everything ended up fine.
but it is down-right silly how long i stood there.
i just think a short "how to" should be given with each pair of scrubs. what, do they think EVERYONE who wears them is smarter than average? hhhmmm?
don't answer that.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
A Cat Named Maybe
A cat wandered into our yard:
Maybe it has another home; maybe it doesn't.
Maybe we'll feed it; maybe we won't.
Maybe it'll stay; maybe it won't.
Maybe we'll let it in; maybe we won't.
Maybe it's a girl; maybe it's a boy.
Maybe she's fat; maybe she's pregnant.
Maybe she'll have babies this week; maybe she'll have babies next month.
Maybe the next baby will be alive; maybe it won't.
Maybe we don't have babies; but we still have - Maybe.
(poem by Mom)
RIP Maybe babies. Maybe Mom won't get Maybe fixed?
Maybe it has another home; maybe it doesn't.
Maybe we'll feed it; maybe we won't.
Maybe it'll stay; maybe it won't.
Maybe we'll let it in; maybe we won't.
Maybe it's a girl; maybe it's a boy.
Maybe she's fat; maybe she's pregnant.
Maybe she'll have babies this week; maybe she'll have babies next month.
Maybe the next baby will be alive; maybe it won't.
Maybe we don't have babies; but we still have - Maybe.
(poem by Mom)
RIP Maybe babies. Maybe Mom won't get Maybe fixed?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Attention Ashby Sisters
You'll definitely want to come visit us here in Los Alamos after you read this! That's right, they are filming a vampire movie here in town. Personally I think they just got L.A. (Los Alamos) confused with the other LA just like we did when we spotted LA Tan and More here in the bustling downtown and briefly thought they were trying to sell a CA tan. But either way, I know you secretly have a desire to walk where the vampires have walked. And you've got a great cover, you can just say to your friends, "I'm going to visit my sister".
Posted by thejerry
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I'll be the one in the corner not saying much...
Tonight we went to a birthday party for Lucy's paramour, Antonio (tell me a storio). It was a big family party, which is interesting because half of Antonio's family is deaf and the other half are Puerto Rican. Actually I guess there's a third half that are deaf AND Puerto Rican, leaving only his mother who is neither deaf, nor Puerto Rican but who was very busy running the party. And who didn't have a whole lot of time to talk to me.
The party split up into two rooms, one of which was very, very loud, and the other which was amazingly, deathly QUIET. Usually I would have avoided the loud room, with the brassy Puerto Rican wives yelling at their husbands in Spanish while the teenagers played Wii and yelled at each other, but I was even more intimidated by the quiet room. I've never seen a room have that many people in it and be so, SO quiet. One time I went in and signed 'good cake', but everybody just looked confused so I ran away fast. I ran away to the hallway where everything came to a head when a friendly uncle accosted me there. He was speaking too loudly, and not enunciating normally, but I couldn't tell if it was because he was deaf or because he didn't speak English. I thought he'd asked me my name, so in English I replied, "my name is Carrie," but he clearly didn't understand me. Now what?! If he was deaf and I started speaking Spanish to him, I'd look like an idiot. If he really spoke Spanish and I started signing... well, no better. Worse actually. I settled for speaking Spanish really loudly and slowly (because if he spoke Spanish he must be an idiot?) while flailing my hands around wildly in front of me. Somehow this made him go away.
So I ended up in the loud room, watching Mario Wii and grinning like an idiot in an attempt to look like a friendly person who knows what's going on around them. I think they thought I was kind of odd. Claire would have hated it.
The party split up into two rooms, one of which was very, very loud, and the other which was amazingly, deathly QUIET. Usually I would have avoided the loud room, with the brassy Puerto Rican wives yelling at their husbands in Spanish while the teenagers played Wii and yelled at each other, but I was even more intimidated by the quiet room. I've never seen a room have that many people in it and be so, SO quiet. One time I went in and signed 'good cake', but everybody just looked confused so I ran away fast. I ran away to the hallway where everything came to a head when a friendly uncle accosted me there. He was speaking too loudly, and not enunciating normally, but I couldn't tell if it was because he was deaf or because he didn't speak English. I thought he'd asked me my name, so in English I replied, "my name is Carrie," but he clearly didn't understand me. Now what?! If he was deaf and I started speaking Spanish to him, I'd look like an idiot. If he really spoke Spanish and I started signing... well, no better. Worse actually. I settled for speaking Spanish really loudly and slowly (because if he spoke Spanish he must be an idiot?) while flailing my hands around wildly in front of me. Somehow this made him go away.
So I ended up in the loud room, watching Mario Wii and grinning like an idiot in an attempt to look like a friendly person who knows what's going on around them. I think they thought I was kind of odd. Claire would have hated it.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Efficient Heat Mitigation
When it is very cold, I often wear socks to bed. I find cold extremities an impediment to sleep and think this is a fine solution. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when the bed is no longer a popsicle, it can get too warm for comfort. No problem, I simply remove my socks and cool right down.
Jerry thinks this is a bit ridiculous. He says that the feet are such a small part of your total surface area, how could taking your socks off have any significant effect on your body temperature? He had made fun of me about this not a few times.
Claire was recently at our house and I took the opportunity to get someone else on my side. You know, bolster the argument and make the practice seem commonplace and normal. So I ask Claire if in the night she ever gets too hot and finds the need to take off her socks. "Sure," says Claire, "but I just take them off halfway, so they're just still right on my toes."
Thanks Claire, that will shut Jerry right up from laughing about this ever again.
Oh and happy birthday.
Jerry thinks this is a bit ridiculous. He says that the feet are such a small part of your total surface area, how could taking your socks off have any significant effect on your body temperature? He had made fun of me about this not a few times.
Claire was recently at our house and I took the opportunity to get someone else on my side. You know, bolster the argument and make the practice seem commonplace and normal. So I ask Claire if in the night she ever gets too hot and finds the need to take off her socks. "Sure," says Claire, "but I just take them off halfway, so they're just still right on my toes."
Thanks Claire, that will shut Jerry right up from laughing about this ever again.
Oh and happy birthday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)